Parenting Insights

[doctormama]

You're right; such a simple yet effective strategy! Giving kids some autonomy helps prepare them for independence, but it's a tricky balance to find, especially when they start asserting their preferences at every turn! Still, your approach seems like a great way to gradually ease them into making choices and boosts their confidence too.
I'm curious: at what age did you start giving your kids these small decisions, and how did you manage the resulting choices, good or bad?

I involved my child in her clothing choices from around two and a half years old. She's three now, so she's had some time to get used to the privilege. As for managing the outcomes, I try not to cringe or show too much excitement when she makes her picks. It's a delicate balance because, on the one hand, you don't want to dampen their spirit, and on the other, you're not exactly thrilled when they insist on wearing a pink tutu with a superhero shirt.

I simply go with her choices most of the time unless it is unsafe or completely inappropriate for the weather. I try to explain why certain clothing choices don't match or suit the occasion, and she's beginning to understand. Sometimes I get her to choose between two outfits that I've picked - that way, I know they work well together and are suitable. It avoids tantrums too! Win-win, indeed.

 

[sportytina]

Yes, it's the little things that count! Giving kids autonomy is definitely overlooked by many parents, who often make decisions without realizing the impact of involving their children. I'm glad you shared this; it's eye-opening and a good reminder for parents to empower their kids from an early age.

It is a delicate balance because going too far with kid's freedom can backfire and give them unwanted screen time or inappropriate clothing choices! But that's also part of the learning curve - setting boundaries within which they can make decisions is key, and learning that some things are non-negotiable while other options are open for debate. I started giving my kids limited autonomy around the ages of three and five, beginning with simple questions like "which shirt do you want to wear today?" or "do you want pasta or rice with dinner?" I drew a clear line by keeping dangerous or age-inappropriate options out of their choice scope. Managing the resulting choices meant preparing to accept the good with the bad; for every cute outfit combo, there was a day with a brightly colored mismatch! But over time, they learned what worked and what didn't, and their choices became more palatable. Now, they have a decent success rate in picking out decent outfits without much input from me. The key is to let them realize the consequences of their decisions; if their friends laugh at their clothing choices, they learn to do better the next time!

 

[greenfingers]

I find that using a calming, soothing voice throughout the tantrum helps! I'd speak slowly and softly, almost as if I'm hypnotherapist haha. It contrasts the intensity of their emotions and somehow helps to gradually lower their volume too.

I also make sure that everyone is safe - my kid from hurting himself and others around him because when he's in full flight, he wouldn't care whom or what he knocks down! So I gently but firmly hold him if needed, speaking soothingly the while.

Sometimes, especially if we're outdoors, I'd give a 5-minute warning before we leave or do the next activity. Counting down also helps with transitions and prepares them mentally. If they're engaged in play, I'd also use the element of surprise to distract, like pretending to spot a rainbow or flying birds. It never fails to make them look up, at least briefly!

Your approach is so thoughtful! Using a calming voice is definitely a skill - it's amazing how you manage to keep your cool and create some peacefulness in the middle of a stormy situation.

I like how you've thought out different scenarios and have a flexible strategy for various situations. That's really the key to navigating parenting, isn't it - having a general game plan but being ready to adapt!

 

[koala]

My approach is similar - acknowledging their feelings and giving them some space seems counterintuitive but works surprisingly well! I'll use phrases like, "I see that you're really angry/sad. It's okay to feel mad sometimes." Then I'll offer a simple solution like a cool-down hug or a quick embrace to help them regulate their emotions. This approach validates their feelings and also teaches them the appropriate language to express their emotions.

For especially prolonged or aggressive tantrums, I found that deep pressure touch helped to calm my kid down. Things like a firm bear hug or holding their hand when they're upset seemed to tell them that everything's alright without my needing to say anything. It's based on a sensory processing theory, but it worked well for us!

I agree that using the right words to help express their feelings is key, especially if we want to teach them emotional intelligence! Using those few simple phrases goes a long way in helping them label and understand what they're going through. That's great insight to add the sensory aspect too - I've heard of deep pressure being used for sensory processing but didn't think of it for emotional regulation; makes total sense though!

 

[sportytina]

My approach is similar - acknowledging their feelings and giving them some space seems counterintuitive but works surprisingly well! I'll use phrases like, "I see that you're really angry/sad. It's okay to feel mad sometimes." Then I'll offer a simple solution like a cool-down hug or a quick embrace to help them regulate their emotions. This approach validates their feelings and also teaches them the appropriate language to express their emotions.

For especially prolonged or aggressive tantrums, I found that deep pressure touch helped to calm my kid down. Things like a firm bear hug or holding their hand when they're upset seemed to tell them that everything's alright without my needing to say anything. It's based on a sensory processing theory, but it worked well for us!

That's an interesting technique! I've not heard of the sensory processing theory, but then again, every kid is different and responds to various techniques. It's great when we stumble upon what works for our kids; it's quite the eureka moment!

It's a skill in itself to be able to keep calm and respond thoughtfully in the heat of the moment - kudos to you for keeping your cool! I hope other moms will share their strategies too. It'd be nice to have a list of go-to tactics for different situations.

 

[greenfingers]

My approach is similar - acknowledging their feelings and giving them some space seems counterintuitive but works surprisingly well! I'll use phrases like, "I see that you're really angry/sad. It's okay to feel mad sometimes." Then I'll offer a simple solution like a cool-down hug or a quick embrace to help them regulate their emotions. This approach validates their feelings and also teaches them the appropriate language to express their emotions.

For especially prolonged or aggressive tantrums, I found that deep pressure touch helped to calm my kid down. Things like a firm bear hug or holding their hand when they're upset seemed to tell them that everything's alright without my needing to say anything. It's based on a sensory processing theory, but it worked well for us!

The deep pressure touch is interesting; it's like applying a 'reset button' and seems especially effective given how our kids respond so well to physical touch and comfort! I like how you've incorporated emotional validation too - it's an important skill for them to learn, expressing their feelings appropriately. They're little humans going through big emotions; teaching them the words to express themselves is so important these days!

Have you ever tried any mindful or breathing exercises? I've heard of them but not tried them out yet. Curious to hear if anyone has had success with those tactics too!

 

[chickadee]

My take is that it's good to let them feel and express their emotions, especially the negative ones. It's healthy to experience, process and vent frustration, so long as they're not hurting others or causing a public nuisance.

I'd sit nearby, unreacted and wait for the tantrum to run its course, occasionally acknowledging their feelings: "Yes, you seem really angry". This shows that I'm present and listening without necessarily intervening or rewarding the behavior. After the outburst, I'd briefly address the cause if it was reasonable, and move on.

Of course this only worked sometimes, but fortunately kids appreciate consistency too!

That's a good point about expressing emotions! It's like you're fostering an emotional intelligence of sorts from the get-go, teaching them to name and navigate their feelings healthily. I guess that later on, they'll be better able to regulate their emotions and understand when and why certain feelings arise.

I think the tricky part is gauging each situation - sometimes a tantrum deserves an immediate distraction, while others call for space and acknowledgment. Then there are times when you just have to remove them from the scenario entirely! Do you think there's a specific approach that parents should take, or is it a judgment call each time?

 

[bookworm]

My take is that it's good to let them feel and express their emotions, especially the negative ones. It's healthy to experience, process and vent frustration, so long as they're not hurting others or causing a public nuisance.

I'd sit nearby, unreacted and wait for the tantrum to run its course, occasionally acknowledging their feelings: "Yes, you seem really angry". This shows that I'm present and listening without necessarily intervening or rewarding the behavior. After the outburst, I'd briefly address the cause if it was reasonable, and move on.

Of course this only worked sometimes, but fortunately kids appreciate consistency too!

You have quite an insightful approach there! I love how you let your child experience and express their emotions without suppression while also teaching them that you're there for them. It's a great way to instill emotional intelligence and regulation from an early age, and your consistent method is sure to pay off over time!

 

[musical]

My take is that it's good to let them feel and express their emotions, especially the negative ones. It's healthy to experience, process and vent frustration, so long as they're not hurting others or causing a public nuisance.

I'd sit nearby, unreacted and wait for the tantrum to run its course, occasionally acknowledging their feelings: "Yes, you seem really angry". This shows that I'm present and listening without necessarily intervening or rewarding the behavior. After the outburst, I'd briefly address the cause if it was reasonable, and move on.

Of course this only worked sometimes, but fortunately kids appreciate consistency too!

You're right; allowing your child to express their emotions healthily is important, and your approach seems spot on. It's great how you strike a balance by being reassuringly present yet unreactive! I think every parent's worst nightmare is enduring endless meltdowns and having to deal with the aftermath. Your consistent approach definitely helps manage expectations then!

 

[greenfingers]

My take is that it's good to let them feel and express their emotions, especially the negative ones. It's healthy to experience, process and vent frustration, so long as they're not hurting others or causing a public nuisance.

I'd sit nearby, unreacted and wait for the tantrum to run its course, occasionally acknowledging their feelings: "Yes, you seem really angry". This shows that I'm present and listening without necessarily intervening or rewarding the behavior. After the outburst, I'd briefly address the cause if it was reasonable, and move on.

Of course this only worked sometimes, but fortunately kids appreciate consistency too!

You're right; allowing your child to feel and express their emotions is healthy and an important part of their development. It's a skill they'll carry into adulthood, so it's good that you've found a strategy that works for you.

I also think there's a fine line between ignoring the issue and acknowledging it, which you seem to have found! Waiting for the tantrum to pass while staying nearby is a great tactic because you're not rewarding the behavior but also ensuring your child feels safe.

Consistancy certainly counts for a lot too; children thrive off of routine and predictability!

 

[stargazer]

That's an insightful realization! Communication issues can be behind many a young child's frustration. I haven't taught my kiddo sign language, but I realize that giving him simple, clear, and concise instructions, almost in a script-like manner, helps. Also, repetitive prompts like, "Use your words" when he's trying to communicate something help him articulate better and avoid the frustration of not being understood.

parents around here sharing their experiences!

You're welcome! This parenting journey sure is full of learnings, and it's great to share them to make our lives easier! I find that giving clear instructions helps everyone understand each other better and saves everyone from potential meltdowns. My son picks up new words daily, but still, it's a challenge to understand his vague gestures sometimes.

I've taken to asking clarifying questions in a calm manner, which somehow keeps things peaceful and allows him to express what he needs. I'll keep reminding him, "Use your nice words," prompting him to be more clear, spoken-out, and polite too!

 

[techsavvy]

That's an insightful realization! Communication issues can be behind many a young child's frustration. I haven't taught my kiddo sign language, but I realize that giving him simple, clear, and concise instructions, almost in a script-like manner, helps. Also, repetitive prompts like, "Use your words" when he's trying to communicate something help him articulate better and avoid the frustration of not being understood.

parents around here sharing their experiences!

My little one struggles with communication too, especially when she's emotionally charged. She often resorts to grunts and pointed gestures which can be quite amusing but also a bit frustrating when I can't understand what she wants!

I've found that teaching her phrases instead of individual words helped. For instance, rather than teaching "milk" and "hungry," I'd teach her the whole sentence, " Mummy, I'm hungry." It's more comprehensible for her to articulate and contextually clear too. Like your approach, I emphasize slow and clear enunciation which somehow helps her calm down as she focuses on pronunciation.

I also noticed that she'd pick up words and phrases spontaneously, so I'd often repeat the new word correctly after her initial attempts at communication, gradually phasing out her baby talk. This seemed to encourage her and helped refine her pronunciation!

 

[greenfingers]

That's an insightful realization! Communication issues can be behind many a young child's frustration. I haven't taught my kiddo sign language, but I realize that giving him simple, clear, and concise instructions, almost in a script-like manner, helps. Also, repetitive prompts like, "Use your words" when he's trying to communicate something help him articulate better and avoid the frustration of not being understood.

parents around here sharing their experiences!

Clear communication is key, and it's a good habit to start early! I found that using an instruction style like a game or adventure also encourages my kids to follow through. Making it fun seemed to improve their focus and reduced the resistance and frustration haha. And yes, repetitive prompts are a great idea - sometimes we parents just need a bit more patience to help our kiddos find the right words!

 

[nature]

That's a great point and a very real scenario that many of us have experienced firsthand!

Judgement can be all too easy when we see or hear another child throwing a tantrum or acting out, but we don't often stop to consider the whole picture. Every parent and child relationship is unique, and we don't know what challenges they might be dealing with. Keeping an open mind and remembering this can help foster empathy and understanding - we're all doing our best!

It's also a good reminder to cut ourselves some slack and remember that our parenting skills will be judged by others too, so we should strive to approach these situations with compassion and patience.

True, it's a constant reminder for us all to practice empathy and not judge a situation until we've walked a mile in another parent's shoes! We do not know the struggles they may be facing.

 

[musical]

That's a great point and a very real scenario that many of us have experienced firsthand!

Judgement can be all too easy when we see or hear another child throwing a tantrum or acting out, but we don't often stop to consider the whole picture. Every parent and child relationship is unique, and we don't know what challenges they might be dealing with. Keeping an open mind and remembering this can help foster empathy and understanding - we're all doing our best!

It's also a good reminder to cut ourselves some slack and remember that our parenting skills will be judged by others too, so we should strive to approach these situations with compassion and patience.

I've found that the "walk away" tactic helps me keep cool when my son melts down in public. I acknowledge his feelings but also explain that we cannot shout/cry over it and suggest we move away from the vicinity briefly until he calms down. It's not cold-shouldering; more like setting healthy boundaries?

 

[techsavvy]

You're right; context is key in judging character - whether of a child or another adult. A one-off incident shouldn't be the basis of our ongoing perception. It's so easy to jump to conclusions, so keeping an open mind certainly helps foster understanding and empathy among parents.

I used to judge parents who seemed to give into their kid's every whim, but now I understand that there's usually more going on than meets the eye - every child is different and has their own challenges. As outsiders, we don't know the full extent of another parent's situation or efforts. Keeping that in mind certainly promotes a more harmonious parenting experience for ourselves as well!

You're spot on! There could be so many underlying factors that go into a parenting decision or situation. As an outsider, I can only observe and make assumptions but never truly understand the full context. Empathy goes a long way in situations like these, agreed?

I think most of us just want to do our best for our kiddos, in our unique ways, and that's what matters.

 

[queenie]

You're right; context is key in judging character - whether of a child or another adult. A one-off incident shouldn't be the basis of our ongoing perception. It's so easy to jump to conclusions, so keeping an open mind certainly helps foster understanding and empathy among parents.

I used to judge parents who seemed to give into their kid's every whim, but now I understand that there's usually more going on than meets the eye - every child is different and has their own challenges. As outsiders, we don't know the full extent of another parent's situation or efforts. Keeping that in mind certainly promotes a more harmonious parenting experience for ourselves as well!

Parenting is tough enough without being judged by others; everyone's circumstances are unique. Good on you for learning this valuable lesson early!

 

[musical]

You're right; context is key in judging character - whether of a child or another adult. A one-off incident shouldn't be the basis of our ongoing perception. It's so easy to jump to conclusions, so keeping an open mind certainly helps foster understanding and empathy among parents.

I used to judge parents who seemed to give into their kid's every whim, but now I understand that there's usually more going on than meets the eye - every child is different and has their own challenges. As outsiders, we don't know the full extent of another parent's situation or efforts. Keeping that in mind certainly promotes a more harmonious parenting experience for ourselves as well!

You're spot on about the wholistic view we should have towards other parents. It's too easy to forget that each child is unique and that there's so much we can't see behind the scenes. Your last point really drives the message home - the harmonious vibe we put out there sure does help create a positive parenting experience for ourselves too!

 

[lioness]

That's a wise insight! It's so easy to judge others, especially when we're all trying our best and have different parenting styles. I agree that assuming the worst about other parents' children can be a mistake; after all, we don't know their circumstances or the efforts that have gone into raising them.

I'm curious now - what was your experience at the playground that taught you this lesson? It's quite an eye-opening moment when we realize how little we see of others' lives, isn't it?

Oh yeah, that incident was an embarrassment for me as I realized how shallow my perceptions could be. I saw a child being rather rowdy and misbehaving at the playground, kicking other kids and generally causing a fuss. I judged the mother harshly for seemingly doing nothing and assumed she was one of those 'lazy' parents. Turns out, the kid had special needs that weren't obvious at first and the mom was doing her best to manage him while also trying to keep the other kids safe. I felt so bad for jumping to conclusions! It's like that famous saying goes, "Never judge a book by its cover."

Does this story have a happy ending though; I feel like it does because ever since that episode, I've been much more hesitant to criticize others.

 

[bookworm]

That's a wise insight! It's so easy to judge others, especially when we're all trying our best and have different parenting styles. I agree that assuming the worst about other parents' children can be a mistake; after all, we don't know their circumstances or the efforts that have gone into raising them.

I'm curious now - what was your experience at the playground that taught you this lesson? It's quite an eye-opening moment when we realize how little we see of others' lives, isn't it?

You're right; it's an epiphany moment when I realized that as an outsider, I knew so little of another person's experiences despite their openness in showing me only a portion of their parenting journey.

The incident at the playground went like this: I witnessed a child having a full-blown tantrum, throwing themselves on the ground and yelling, much to the apparent exasperation of the mother. I could feel my own judgment creeping in before the child's grandfather stepped in. He asked the mother if she needed help, offered to take the kiddo for a walk, and then turned to me with an apologetic smile - it was clear they were visiting, and the child was overwhelmed by all the new sights and sounds.

It was a simple reminder that we're often just seeing a snapshot of others' lives, and that snapshot can be misleading. From then on, I made a conscious effort not to jump to conclusions, knowing that there's always more going on than meets the eye. It's a valuable life lesson, indeed!