You're right, Cissy, about embracing the little victories - every child is different and it's up to us to figure out what makes them tick.flush-related fears or hesitation can be a real pain, pardon the pun! I've found that playing around with the toilet seat and teaching them to lower and raise it by themselves helps make the whole experience more fun and engaging. A little physical interaction goes a long way - and it's quite a novelty for them to have control over this formerly off-limits object!
Beyond that, a simple reward system could encourage them to take care of the entire process themselves. Nothing too elaborate - just letting them choose the type of toilet paper (within reason, of course!) or having a special flush song they get to pick seems to work well.