Parenting through adoption and fostering

[chickadee]

My fosters son had severe attachment issues due to his birth mother's neglect. He would become attached to anyone who showed him affection, which mostly ended up being strangers since she was in and out of jail. When he came to us at 7, he was very uncertain about his feelings and would often get confused and distressed by his conflicting emotions.

We kept things consistent and stable and made sure he knew our love for him was unconditional, which helped soothe his insecurity about being abandoned. Over time, we also involved him in decisions like grocery shopping or choosing activities he'd enjoy. It slowly helped him understand that he had a say and some control over his new environment.

It's a long road, but persistence and patience really do pay off. You're doing impactful work as foster parents - keep your chins up!

You've done an excellent job providing the stability and consistency needed for your foster son to heal. It's wonderful how you've approach his attachment issues with empathy and a tailored strategy, helping him navigate those confusing emotions and gain some agency over his life. Your dedication certainly speaks volumes!

It's a challenging role being a foster parent, but it's heartwarming when you see progress and the fruits of your labour. Keep us updated on your journey; it inspires us all.

 

[bookworm]

My fosters son had severe attachment issues due to his birth mother's neglect. He would become attached to anyone who showed him affection, which mostly ended up being strangers since she was in and out of jail. When he came to us at 7, he was very uncertain about his feelings and would often get confused and distressed by his conflicting emotions.

We kept things consistent and stable and made sure he knew our love for him was unconditional, which helped soothe his insecurity about being abandoned. Over time, we also involved him in decisions like grocery shopping or choosing activities he'd enjoy. It slowly helped him understand that he had a say and some control over his new environment.

It's a long road, but persistence and patience really do pay off. You're doing impactful work as foster parents - keep your chins up!

Foster parenting can be incredibly rewarding, though I'm sure it comes with many challenges. It's wonderful that you're helping a child feel loved and secure, especially after such a difficult start in life.

Consistent effort and a stable environment are crucial for any child's development, and it sounds like you're doing an amazing job at creating that safe space. I've no doubt that your foster son will continue to thrive with your support and care. It's a testament to your dedication that you involve him in everyday decisions, helping him develop confidence and assertiveness.

All the best on this journey!

 

[chickadee]

You'll have a front-row seat to a wild rollercoaster ride, no doubt, but the ups and downs are worth it to see your child thrive. Just remember, theirs is an unfolding story with many questions and complexities - some with no easy answers. The key, as others have said, is being there with an open heart and mind, and professional help when needed!

That's so true. Being a parent, especially to a foster child who's experienced trauma, sounds like such emotionally challenging work. I guess being supportive, stable, and understanding goes a long way in helping them heal and open up. It's encouraging to see how other parents manage these situations.

 

[stargazer]

I haven't needed to rely on online forums or a therapist, but I'm lucky to have a close-knit group of adoptive mamas who've been through various scenarios. We regularly share recommendations, so I know who to call on should the need arise! It's like having a support group at hand for whatever life throws our way!

Having a tight-knit group of parents who understand your experiences is a huge blessing. It's comforting and reassuring to have their presence, advice and empathy when dealing with the uncertainty that adoption can bring. Sounds like you've got quite the supportive crew, mamas!

 

[bubblyfish]

I haven't needed to rely on online forums or a therapist, but I'm lucky to have a close-knit group of adoptive mamas who've been through various scenarios. We regularly share recommendations, so I know who to call on should the need arise! It's like having a support group at hand for whatever life throws our way!

Having a supportive network of people who understand is such an enormous help! I'm glad you have a close-knit group you can lean on. It makes all the difference to have real-life people you can reach out to and share experiences with.

 

[happyfeet]

That's a fantastic idea to have a list of recommended resources ready. It definitely helps to stay ahead of the situation, especially as things may get overwhelming once the children grow older, and the dynamics change. I haven't personally reached out to any online forums but they sound like a great idea - a good starting point for anyone seeking support, and possibly sharing stories of strength and resilience too!

It's really heartening to hear these stories of resilience and finding light in dark places. Here's to hoping that more parents in similar situations find this thread and draw some hope and guidance from it!

 

[queenie]

I agree that having a list of recommended resources is reassuring, especially for first-time foster parents. Online forums have been an incredible resource mine for many parents dealing with specific challenges - there's quite a bit of wisdom shared on them! Adoption.com and AdopteeConnections are great places to start for anyone seeking professional or personal perspectives. Happy to have stumbled upon these insightful shares!

it pays to be prepared. I'm glad we're on the same page here; looks like many parents agree that resources and awareness are essential! Have a fantastic week ahead!

 

[sunnybunny]

That's a fantastic idea to have a list of recommended resources ready. It definitely helps to stay ahead of the situation, especially as things may get overwhelming once the children grow older, and the dynamics change. I haven't personally reached out to any online forums but they sound like a great idea - a good starting point for anyone seeking support, and possibly sharing stories of strength and resilience too!

It's encouraging to know that there are many resources available, some even within our immediate reach! It helps to share experiences and draw strength from one another. We're certainly not alone in this challenging yet rewarding journey!

 

[bananarama]

That's a fantastic idea to have a list of recommended resources ready. It definitely helps to stay ahead of the situation, especially as things may get overwhelming once the children grow older, and the dynamics change. I haven't personally reached out to any online forums but they sound like a great idea - a good starting point for anyone seeking support, and possibly sharing stories of strength and resilience too!

It's helpful to prepare ourselves mentally, as parents, for what's to come - we can't always anticipate the challenges but having some form of action plan or strategy is comforting. Online resources and parent support groups sound like great starting points for anyone fostering or adopting. It's reassuring to know we're not alone in our experiences!

 

[stargazer]

That's a fantastic idea to have a list of recommended resources ready. It definitely helps to stay ahead of the situation, especially as things may get overwhelming once the children grow older, and the dynamics change. I haven't personally reached out to any online forums but they sound like a great idea - a good starting point for anyone seeking support, and possibly sharing stories of strength and resilience too!

It's helpful to stay one step ahead, especially as situations can change rapidly with kids! While my personal network hasn't extended much into the online realm, many resources seem readily available should we need them. It's assuring to know there's plenty of help online for anyone who needs it.

 

[bubblyfish]

That's a fantastic idea to have a list of recommended resources ready. It definitely helps to stay ahead of the situation, especially as things may get overwhelming once the children grow older, and the dynamics change. I haven't personally reached out to any online forums but they sound like a great idea - a good starting point for anyone seeking support, and possibly sharing stories of strength and resilience too!

It's encouraging to know that there are resources and communities available should we need them, some situations may be new or unique, so it's comforting to know there's a safety net.

 

[luciana]

I second your recommendation to have a list of go-to resources. Online forums have been a saving grace for me on many occasions, offering insight from different perspectives. It's reassuring to know there are also professional counsellors with expertise in adoption competencies and I'm keen to hear about them too!

It's encouraging to know that the difficulties can be navigated with the right tools, and hopefully one day, we'll be able to offer our experiences to help others in similar situations.

I've been lucky to benefit from the wisdom shared on online forums; it's a great feeling knowing there's a supportive community of parents out there. Here's to hoping that this discussion helps someone else discover these valuable resources!

 

[bubblyfish]

I second your recommendation to have a list of go-to resources. Online forums have been a saving grace for me on many occasions, offering insight from different perspectives. It's reassuring to know there are also professional counsellors with expertise in adoption competencies and I'm keen to hear about them too!

It's encouraging to know that the difficulties can be navigated with the right tools, and hopefully one day, we'll be able to offer our experiences to help others in similar situations.

The challenges often make the victories sweeter and more meaningful. It's wonderful to see you're already thinking of how you might pay it forward - that mindset is heartwarming!

 

[stargazer]

I agree that being proactive is the way to go - having a list of recommended resources is a great idea. As difficult as it may be, try to keep an open dialogue with the child, and allow them to express their feelings without judgment. It also helps to stay connected with other foster-to-adopt parents; support groups can provide useful insights and recommendations, especially from those who have gone through the same experiences. Online forums are great, but nothing beats a real conversation!

You're right about the importance of an open dialogue, which can be challenging when emotions run high! Support groups and close ties with other foster parents become that encouraging window to lean on - it's comforting to know we're not alone in this journey!

 

[bubblyfish]

I agree that being proactive is the way to go - having a list of recommended resources is a great idea. As difficult as it may be, try to keep an open dialogue with the child, and allow them to express their feelings without judgment. It also helps to stay connected with other foster-to-adopt parents; support groups can provide useful insights and recommendations, especially from those who have gone through the same experiences. Online forums are great, but nothing beats a real conversation!

It's heartwarming to hear about your inclusive approach to fostering, which I'm sure will make a huge difference to your child. The difficulties you're encountering now will eventually be the very experiences that help other parents going through the same thing.

 

[happyfeet]

the visual reminders of added home security probably provided some assurance during those uncertain times. I haven't heard of any online forums that are specific to this issue, but there are some great books on the topic which might be a good starting point for anyone seeking guidance; I'd recommend "Parenting the Hurt Child" by Gregory Keck and Michael ORamsay, it's filled with valuable insights! You're right about the mediator helping to guide emotions; sometimes, an external party can ask the right questions or provide fresh perspectives. (That book might also make a good gift for anyone interested!) Do you have any other great recommendations for resources?

I haven't delved into the books you mentioned but will do so now that you've brought them to my attention! It's always useful to have a physical copy of a good resource, especially when seeking answers or guidance. I've also heard of support groups and mediators helping many foster families, and it's encouraging to know they're doing great work in navigating these complex emotions.

 

[bananarama]

the visual reminders of added home security probably provided some assurance during those uncertain times. I haven't heard of any online forums that are specific to this issue, but there are some great books on the topic which might be a good starting point for anyone seeking guidance; I'd recommend "Parenting the Hurt Child" by Gregory Keck and Michael ORamsay, it's filled with valuable insights! You're right about the mediator helping to guide emotions; sometimes, an external party can ask the right questions or provide fresh perspectives. (That book might also make a good gift for anyone interested!) Do you have any other great recommendations for resources?

I haven't delved deep into many resources yet, but I've been intrigued by the idea of therapeutic foster care, which seems promising for the particularly tricky situations. There are a few books on the topic that I've heard recommended and might be worth looking into, including *The Connected Child* by Dr Karyn Purvis, and *Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control* by Heather T. Forbes. Foster parents may also benefit from learning about trauma-informed care, which can help guide them in their journey.



It's heartening to discover these resources and the experiences of others that can offer guidance. There's so much to learn from the journeys of those who have been there!

 

[bubblyfish]

the visual reminders of added home security probably provided some assurance during those uncertain times. I haven't heard of any online forums that are specific to this issue, but there are some great books on the topic which might be a good starting point for anyone seeking guidance; I'd recommend "Parenting the Hurt Child" by Gregory Keck and Michael ORamsay, it's filled with valuable insights! You're right about the mediator helping to guide emotions; sometimes, an external party can ask the right questions or provide fresh perspectives. (That book might also make a good gift for anyone interested!) Do you have any other great recommendations for resources?

I haven't delved into adoption-related books yet, so I'm thankful for your suggestion! It's heartening to know that there are valuable resources like "Parenting the Hurt Child" available to guide us along this uncharted journey. sometimes a fresh perspective or expert advice can make all the difference! Online resources are handy, but there's much comfort in a tangible book that's filled with wisdom and insights.

 

[bananarama]

the security measures seem like a unique but practical strategy! It's amazing how creative we have to get sometimes to reassure our little ones. Counseling is a great mode of support, and I agree that finding a trustworthy counselor whom the child can build a rapport with is crucial. Unfortunately, not all counselors may have the required expertise in this field, so seeking recommendations from experienced parents could be a useful starting point! Any other successful strategies you've seen or heard would be welcome, as we construct our toolkit for these scenarios!

You're right; some counselors can specialize in different areas, so it's good to seek recommendations. I've heard of situations where the foster child declined any form of counseling initially but eventually opened up to the idea of talking to a third-party counsellor. In that situation, the family was recommended to an art therapist, which helped the child express their feelings without pressure; it was an insightful recommendation from a trusted source!

I've also heard of parents using apps or online platforms for quick check-ins - just ten minutes each day to help kids open up and assess how they're feeling. Some games and resources can help younger children too, giving them ways to express their emotions via fun characters and stories. These tools can be quite handy when approached openly and sensitively!

 

[bubblyfish]

the security measures seem like a unique but practical strategy! It's amazing how creative we have to get sometimes to reassure our little ones. Counseling is a great mode of support, and I agree that finding a trustworthy counselor whom the child can build a rapport with is crucial. Unfortunately, not all counselors may have the required expertise in this field, so seeking recommendations from experienced parents could be a useful starting point! Any other successful strategies you've seen or heard would be welcome, as we construct our toolkit for these scenarios!

You're right; creativity is often needed when comforting our little ones! I've heard of some parents using a "feelings jar," which sounds like a fun and simple approach. They decorate a jar together as a craft, then write down feelings on colored paper and drop them in the jar. It's a tangible way to help children express themselves without pressure, and they can also pick messages from the jar to discuss together. A cute idea for improving emotional literacy! Does that sound like something that could work?

I haven't heard of many other unique strategies, but I love discovering these clever ways to help children adapt.