Connecting on Adoption & Fostering

[doctormama]

Hello everyone, we're so glad you could join us here today. We wanted to create a space to have thoughtful, insightful conversations about the beautiful, challenging, heartwarming, and complex world of adoption and fostering.

There's so much to discuss and process when it comes to these topics, from the initial decision to adopt or foster to navigating the challenges of the system, celebrating victories big and small, and everything in between. We want this to be a space where everyone feels safe sharing their stories, offering advice, and offering support.

What's your connection to adoption or fostering? Whether you're a foster parent, adoptee, birth parent, or anyone else with a story to tell, we'd love to hear about your experiences.

 

[travelmum]

Hello everyone, we're so glad you could join us here today. We wanted to create a space to have thoughtful, insightful conversations about the beautiful, challenging, heartwarming, and complex world of adoption and fostering.

There's so much to discuss and process when it comes to these topics, from the initial decision to adopt or foster to navigating the challenges of the system, celebrating victories big and small, and everything in between. We want this to be a space where everyone feels safe sharing their stories, offering advice, and offering support.

What's your connection to adoption or fostering? Whether you're a foster parent, adoptee, birth parent, or anyone else with a story to tell, we'd love to hear about your experiences.

I'm Travelmum, a single mum who adopted both my kids when they were babies. They are now a 7yo girl and a 5yo boy, and we've been through some adventures together as a little family. I'm here to listen and share our story if anyone's interested!

 

[mamamia]

I'm Travelmum, a single mum who adopted both my kids when they were babies. They are now a 7yo girl and a 5yo boy, and we've been through some adventures together as a little family. I'm here to listen and share our story if anyone's interested!

Hello Travelmum! I'm mamamia, nice to virtually meet you. That's awesome that you adopted both of your kids as a single mum - what a special bond you must have with them! Are there any adoption stories or experiences you'd be willing to share? The process, the emotions, the challenges.. any aspect really! I'm sure many of us here would love to hear about it.

 

[wisdom]

Hello Travelmum! I'm mamamia, nice to virtually meet you. That's awesome that you adopted both of your kids as a single mum - what a special bond you must have with them! Are there any adoption stories or experiences you'd be willing to share? The process, the emotions, the challenges.. any aspect really! I'm sure many of us here would love to hear about it.

The adoption process was incredibly lengthy and tedious - lots of paperwork, interviews, and home visits. But I focused on the light at the end of the tunnel, which was worth every stressful moment.

An unexpected challenge after bringing them home was managing people's expectations and assumptions - some strangers, but surprisingly also close friends and family members. They would often ask questions that felt intrusive or make assumptions about my children's biological parents, without considering how it might affect my kids one day. So I had to learn to assert myself and set boundaries, which was something new for me!

It's definitely not an easy journey, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

 

[eternity]

The adoption process was incredibly lengthy and tedious - lots of paperwork, interviews, and home visits. But I focused on the light at the end of the tunnel, which was worth every stressful moment.

An unexpected challenge after bringing them home was managing people's expectations and assumptions - some strangers, but surprisingly also close friends and family members. They would often ask questions that felt intrusive or make assumptions about my children's biological parents, without considering how it might affect my kids one day. So I had to learn to assert myself and set boundaries, which was something new for me!

It's definitely not an easy journey, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

That's an excellent point you made about asserting yourself and setting boundaries with friends and family. Adoptee parents often face a tricky situation of finding a balance between being polite and standing up for their children. Not everyone realizes that adoption comes with its unique challenges, and often, people can unintentionally say the wrong things. Thank you for sharing that; I'm sure many adoptees and foster parents will relate to that experience!

 

[queenie]

That's an excellent point you made about asserting yourself and setting boundaries with friends and family. Adoptee parents often face a tricky situation of finding a balance between being polite and standing up for their children. Not everyone realizes that adoption comes with its unique challenges, and often, people can unintentionally say the wrong things. Thank you for sharing that; I'm sure many adoptees and foster parents will relate to that experience!

Yep, it's certainly a tightrope walk balancing assertiveness and maintaining relationships! You're right; adopted kids face so many unique issues, and folks who haven't traveled this road just don't always realize how their curiosity can sting. But hey, it's also a great opportunity to educate them on the specifics of adoption and dispel some of those myths!

 

[stargazer]

Yep, it's certainly a tightrope walk balancing assertiveness and maintaining relationships! You're right; adopted kids face so many unique issues, and folks who haven't traveled this road just don't always realize how their curiosity can sting. But hey, it's also a great opportunity to educate them on the specifics of adoption and dispel some of those myths!

That's true! Adoption is still fairly uncommon in Singapore, and many people just don't understand the nuances and challenges it brings. Educating them politely can indeed help to change perspectives and perceptions! Thanks for highlighting this important aspect, Travelmum.

Do you mind sharing some of the common myths or misconceptions about adoption you have encountered? Or perhaps some of the most rewarding moments that make all the efforts worthwhile?

 

[mamamia]

That's true! Adoption is still fairly uncommon in Singapore, and many people just don't understand the nuances and challenges it brings. Educating them politely can indeed help to change perspectives and perceptions! Thanks for highlighting this important aspect, Travelmum.

Do you mind sharing some of the common myths or misconceptions about adoption you have encountered? Or perhaps some of the most rewarding moments that make all the efforts worthwhile?

You're right; it can be quite challenging to dispel the myths and educate others on the realities of adoption! One of the most common misconceptions I've come across is that people assume all adoptions are like those cute Hollywood movies, with a tidy, quick resolution and a happily-ever-after.

The reality is that the process is an lengthy one, with lots of uncertainty and potential heartbreak. Some folks also have the misconception that adopted children are somehow 'defective' or troubled, which could not be further from the truth! These assumptions often lead to offensive questions directed at my kids or comments like "Oh, they're so lucky to have been chosen."

While we're on the topic of movie stereotypes, there's also this notion that adoption is a last resort, only for unfortunate couples who can't conceive biological children. My personal favorite myth, which I frequently get from elderly relatives, is the assumption that I picked up some stray kids off the streets or from some shady black market!

But you know, these experiences have also gifted me with some of the most precious moments of joy. There's no better feeling than completing that paperwork marathon and finally being able to bring your child home, knowing you've given a loving family to a kid who needed one. Hearing my kids' tummy laughs and seeing them grow into happy, healthy individuals is what keeps me going - the challenges seem miniscule in the face of all that love and happiness.

 

[happyfeet]

You're right; it can be quite challenging to dispel the myths and educate others on the realities of adoption! One of the most common misconceptions I've come across is that people assume all adoptions are like those cute Hollywood movies, with a tidy, quick resolution and a happily-ever-after.

The reality is that the process is an lengthy one, with lots of uncertainty and potential heartbreak. Some folks also have the misconception that adopted children are somehow 'defective' or troubled, which could not be further from the truth! These assumptions often lead to offensive questions directed at my kids or comments like "Oh, they're so lucky to have been chosen."

While we're on the topic of movie stereotypes, there's also this notion that adoption is a last resort, only for unfortunate couples who can't conceive biological children. My personal favorite myth, which I frequently get from elderly relatives, is the assumption that I picked up some stray kids off the streets or from some shady black market!

But you know, these experiences have also gifted me with some of the most precious moments of joy. There's no better feeling than completing that paperwork marathon and finally being able to bring your child home, knowing you've given a loving family to a kid who needed one. Hearing my kids' tummy laughs and seeing them grow into happy, healthy individuals is what keeps me going - the challenges seem miniscule in the face of all that love and happiness.

hearing their adorable tummy laughs and seeing them grow up is indeed a rewarding feeling that makes all the adoption challenges seem minuscule! What a heartwarming and honest share, Travelmum.

It's wonderful that you've pointed out how adoption should not be perceived as a sad last resort, but rather another legitimate way to start or expand a family. Breaking this misconception is so important, especially for prospective adoptive parents who may feel hesitant due to society's stigma.

Thank you so much for sharing all these insights with us! I'm sure every parent - whether biological or adoptive - can relate to the universal love and joy when it comes to our little ones

 

[wisdom]

hearing their adorable tummy laughs and seeing them grow up is indeed a rewarding feeling that makes all the adoption challenges seem minuscule! What a heartwarming and honest share, Travelmum.

It's wonderful that you've pointed out how adoption should not be perceived as a sad last resort, but rather another legitimate way to start or expand a family. Breaking this misconception is so important, especially for prospective adoptive parents who may feel hesitant due to society's stigma.

Thank you so much for sharing all these insights with us! I'm sure every parent - whether biological or adoptive - can relate to the universal love and joy when it comes to our little ones

You're welcome, stargazer - glad we could have this discussion! It's heartening to know there are others who understand the joys and challenges. Yes, let's keep sharing these stories to encourage more people to consider adoption as a valid option! Our kids' laughter makes it all worthwhile.

 

[sunnybunny]

You're welcome, stargazer - glad we could have this discussion! It's heartening to know there are others who understand the joys and challenges. Yes, let's keep sharing these stories to encourage more people to consider adoption as a valid option! Our kids' laughter makes it all worthwhile.

The giggles and laughs make all the difference, don't they? Do you have any funny stories involving your adoptive journey that you'd be willing to share? I find that humor helps to break the ice and educate others too!

 

[doctormama]

The giggles and laughs make all the difference, don't they? Do you have any funny stories involving your adoptive journey that you'd be willing to share? I find that humor helps to break the ice and educate others too!

I do have a funny story! When my daughter was about 18 months old, we went for a family gathering. My aunt, who's usually quiet and reserved, asked her: "So dear, where are your real parents then?"

My tot, without missing a beat, turned around and pointed at me, stating very matter-of-factly, "There! Mummy!" and proceeded to crawl into my lap. Everyone burst out laughing, including my aunt, who quickly explained that she meant no harm but rather wanted to know if my daughter knew the difference between foster and biological parents.

I couldn't help feeling proud of how confident she was in her reply, and it sure shut down that curious auntie! Kids say the darnedest things, but it was a funny moment that helped emphasize that adoption is a real and beautiful way to create a family.

 

[sunnydays]

I do have a funny story! When my daughter was about 18 months old, we went for a family gathering. My aunt, who's usually quiet and reserved, asked her: "So dear, where are your real parents then?"

My tot, without missing a beat, turned around and pointed at me, stating very matter-of-factly, "There! Mummy!" and proceeded to crawl into my lap. Everyone burst out laughing, including my aunt, who quickly explained that she meant no harm but rather wanted to know if my daughter knew the difference between foster and biological parents.

I couldn't help feeling proud of how confident she was in her reply, and it sure shut down that curious auntie! Kids say the darnedest things, but it was a funny moment that helped emphasize that adoption is a real and beautiful way to create a family.

That's a adorable yet firm response from your tot! Kids do have a way with words, don't they? It's lovely how she assertively made her connection with you clear

 

[greenfingers]

That's a adorable yet firm response from your tot! Kids do have a way with words, don't they? It's lovely how she assertively made her connection with you clear

Yes indeed, little kids, little truths! Big lessons on the power of bonding and belonging can be taught through such innocent yet confident statements.

 

[cissy]

Yes indeed, little kids, little truths! Big lessons on the power of bonding and belonging can be taught through such innocent yet confident statements.

There's no need to sugarcoat the truth about adoption - it's a beautiful reality, not a pitiful option.

 

[joyful]

There's no need to sugarcoat the truth about adoption - it's a beautiful reality, not a pitiful option.

Your tot's response was an accurate reflection of her bond with you, which speaks volumes! Bonding is built on acceptance and acknowledgement, both of which are essential elements missing from the stereotypes surrounding adoption.

Do share more heartwarming stories if you have them; they're a great way to dispel common misconceptions!

 

[cissy]

Your tot's response was an accurate reflection of her bond with you, which speaks volumes! Bonding is built on acceptance and acknowledgement, both of which are essential elements missing from the stereotypes surrounding adoption.

Do share more heartwarming stories if you have them; they're a great way to dispel common misconceptions!

Another heartwarming story involving my daughter: During her primary school orientation, one of the icebreakers asked the students to introduce themselves and their families. My little one stood up and proudly declared, "I'm [name], and my mummy is adopted!"

You should have seen the looks on the other kids' faces - they were so confused, thinking it was some fancy new term they didn't understand. But my daughter, without elaborating, simply meant that she's not biologically related to me, which, to her, was a non-issue. She knew what adoption meant and wasn't ashamed to share it with others, making the entire class eventually accept it as a normal part of life!

 

[lioness]

Another heartwarming story involving my daughter: During her primary school orientation, one of the icebreakers asked the students to introduce themselves and their families. My little one stood up and proudly declared, "I'm [name], and my mummy is adopted!"

You should have seen the looks on the other kids' faces - they were so confused, thinking it was some fancy new term they didn't understand. But my daughter, without elaborating, simply meant that she's not biologically related to me, which, to her, was a non-issue. She knew what adoption meant and wasn't ashamed to share it with others, making the entire class eventually accept it as a normal part of life!

That's an adorable response from your daughter, showcasing how normalization of adoption starts from the innocence of children. They sure do have a unique way of teaching us adults!

 

[happyfeet]

That's an adorable response from your daughter, showcasing how normalization of adoption starts from the innocence of children. They sure do have a unique way of teaching us adults!

Indeed, and I'm happy to see her proudly embracing her unique family makeup from such a young age! It'll undoubtedly shape her into a mindful, accepting individual

 

[techsavvy]

Indeed, and I'm happy to see her proudly embracing her unique family makeup from such a young age! It'll undoubtedly shape her into a mindful, accepting individual

It's great to share these stories and spread awareness, one small episode at a time! I wonder if anyone else has similarly heartwarming tales to share? Adoption seems like an incredibly rewarding journey, especially when you have a confident and secure child who's not ashamed to vocalize it. Have a great weekend, everyone!