Toddler Tactics

[greenfingers]

Spoiler: Thread summary

Many parents found distraction and redirection to be effective tactics when dealing with toddlers' naughty behaviors such as tantrums, boundary-pushing and melt-downs. Staying calm was also mentioned as a successful approach in helping children manage their emotions.

Some common strategies include:
1. Acknowledge the child's feelings, e.g., "I know you're upset", and then set clear limits / boundaries or offer alternatives such as a similar choice instead.
2. Distract and redirect the child's attention to something else such as an interesting activity happening elsewhere or a whacky joke.
3. Give plenty of praise and attention when children respond well to redirects so they are encouraged to repeat these good behaviors.
4. Explain the reasons behind rules and boundaries in simple terms that children can understand, helping them appreciate why certain behaviors are not acceptable.
5. Keep up a consistent routine for discipline, including time outs and taking away privileges. Direct consequences after rule-breaking help children understand the logic behind the scenes.
6. Remember that toddler stages are temporary phases of growth, so try not to take their behaviors personally or lose your zen!

This board has been such a lifesaver on more than one occasion - so many of your strategies have helped me out! Now I turn to you for some fresh advice...
My little one recently turned two, and we're really struggling with toddler tantrums and testing boundaries. I'm curious to hear others' experiences and tactics for navigating this challenging stage! What has worked well for redirecting unwanted behavior? How do you respond when your child pushes boundaries or has a full-blown meltdown? Any clever discipline strategies that have worked for you? And how do you stay consistent without losing your cool?

Looking forward to hearing everyone's stories and wisdom!

 

[mamamia]

This board has been such a lifesaver on more than one occasion - so many of your strategies have helped me out! Now I turn to you for some fresh advice...
My little one recently turned two, and we're really struggling with toddler tantrums and testing boundaries. I'm curious to hear others' experiences and tactics for navigating this challenging stage! What has worked well for redirecting unwanted behavior? How do you respond when your child pushes boundaries or has a full-blown meltdown? Any clever discipline strategies that have worked for you? And how do you stay consistent without losing your cool?

Looking forward to hearing everyone's stories and wisdom!

Argh, the terrible twos! Testing boundaries is their full-time job at this age, so it's definitely a challenging stage!

I find that distraction works really well for redirecting unwanted behaviour - like if they're about to throw a tantrum, quickly point out something interesting happening nearby, like a bird flying past or a funny-shaped cloud. Tot might not be able to resist looking and forget about the meltdown for a moment, then you can quickly redirect their attention with a new activity.

For actual tantrums, I usually just let them run their course, as long as nobody's getting hurt. I keep myself calm by reminding myself that it's their way of learning and expressing big feelings, and timeouts only make things worse. Usually, after a full-blown meltdown, my tot is ready for a cuddle and some soothing words, and we talk about what happened afterwards when everyone's calmed down.

Consistency is the hard part - I won't lie, there have been many times I've lost my cool, especially when sleep-deprived! But I find keeping a routine helps - tot knows what to expect, and it keeps the chaos at bay. Also, having a few go-to activities for distraction helps, like having special 'emergency' toys or books that only come out during meltdown situations.

Hope that helps!

 

[sunnydays]

You're not alone in navigating the wild world of toddler tantrums! It's like managing a mini volcano that can erupt at any moment hah!

Consistently staying calm and collected is the real challenge; sometimes, I just step away when things get too heated. Take a breather and let the little one burn out their rage - it's not the best look, but it's survival mode man. Can't have a rational discussion with a screaming tot on the floor.

Distraction works wonders sometimes - shiny objects, favorite toys, or a sudden exciting activity can divert their attention. But these tots are smart cookies, so you gotta be swift and snappy with your distractions!

For boundary pushing, I give 'em a firm but calm 'no' or 'not today, my friend.' Don't raise your voice, just assert that you're in charge and it's not happening. This sometimes buys me some peace. But yeah, a firm and consistent approach seems to work - they pick up on it eventually.

As for meltdowns, I acknowledge the feels, man. Like, 'I know you're upset/tired/frustrated,' etc. - tot emotional support 101. But I don't indulge the tantrum either; that just encourages more dramatic displays in my experience lah.

You got this! Share your tactics too when you discover them - we're all in this together!

 

[luciana]

Ah, the joyous toddler stage! While it's a wonderful period of discovery for little ones, it can also be exhausting for parents like us!

For redirecting unwanted behaviour, I find that giving choices works fairly well. For example, if they're messing around with stuff in the kitchen cabinets , I'd redirect by asking, "Would you like to put these spoons away or get your favourite book instead?" It gives them some control and helps steer their focus in a different direction.

When it comes to boundary-pushing, I keep reminding myself that this phase is necessary for their development. They're learning what's acceptable and what's not, so I try to remain calm and consistent with my reactions. That said, I'm definitely not immune to losing my cool sometimes, especially when sleep-deprived! But on a good day, I'd acknowledge the feeling behind the tantrum and provide a firm but gentle response, like, "I hear that you're upset because you can't have the candy, and it's okay to feel angry. But screaming won't help us solve this. Can we think of another treat you might like instead?"

As for staying consistent without losing my mind, having a support system helps - whether it's your partner, family, or mom friends. It's good to have an outlet and share stories, because toddlerhood can feel isolating otherwise. And remember, every parent goes through this; we're all in the same boat!

 

[melissa.koh]

If you're facing the terrible twos, here's what has helped me.

When my kiddo throws a tantrum cause I say no to ice cream for breakfast, I first make sure everyone is safe - sometimes I just have to walk away and come back when the storm cloud has passed. Then, I try to acknowledge their feelings. So I'll say something like, "You're upset coz you really wanted that ice cream! It's yummy, right? But it's not bedtime yet, and we eat it at teatime, yeah?"

I also find that giving them a simple choice helps. Like if they're throwing a fit over which shirt to wear, I'll say, "You can wear the red or blue one. Which do you prefer?" That way, they still feel like they have some control over the situation, haha.

And when all else fails and the monster is unleashed, I just keep telling myself that this too shall pass! And it's true - these challenging phases eventually end, so hang in there!

 

[chickadee]

Some days I feel like the queen of distractions! It's so true - toddlers are little energy balls and keeping them engaged can be a full-time job.

Distraction works wonders when my kiddo is getting agitated or about to throw a tantrum. I'll quickly point out something interesting nearby or start a lively chant, which might buy me some time! I also make sure to give lots of positive reinforcement when she listens and responds well to redirection. That tends to encourage her to keep it cool even when she's frustrated.

Boundaries are tricky, but staying calm and consistent really helps. I take a deep breath, acknowledge her feelings, then firmly but lovingly reinforce the no. It's harder when other people are watching or if we're out at a restaurant or something, but I just try to stay as level-headed as possible and remember this phase will pass! Timeouts work for us - we make sure to explain why she's having one and that it's not a punishment but a chance to regroup and calm down.

I also find giving her some control over the situation helps. So if she's upset about having to leave the playground, I might say, "We have to go now, but you can choose whether we go down the slide or swing first." That bit of autonomy seems to help.

Oh, and stalling tactics are my not-so-secret weapon! When she senses a change in routine or something she doesn't like is coming - like bathing or turning off the TV - I've found that slowing down and extending our goodbyes helps. If we're at the park, I'll give her plenty of warning about leaving and then leisurely walk towards the exit, pointing out interesting things along the way. This somehow makes the transition easier!

It's definitely a bumpy ride and I'm sure other parents have better tricks up their sleeves! But these little strategies help me keep my cool and keep life sane with a very spirited two-year-old.

 

[doctormama]

Some days I feel like the queen of distractions! It's so true - toddlers are little energy balls and keeping them engaged can be a full-time job.

Distraction works wonders when my kiddo is getting agitated or about to throw a tantrum. I'll quickly point out something interesting nearby or start a lively chant, which might buy me some time! I also make sure to give lots of positive reinforcement when she listens and responds well to redirection. That tends to encourage her to keep it cool even when she's frustrated.

Boundaries are tricky, but staying calm and consistent really helps. I take a deep breath, acknowledge her feelings, then firmly but lovingly reinforce the no. It's harder when other people are watching or if we're out at a restaurant or something, but I just try to stay as level-headed as possible and remember this phase will pass! Timeouts work for us - we make sure to explain why she's having one and that it's not a punishment but a chance to regroup and calm down.

I also find giving her some control over the situation helps. So if she's upset about having to leave the playground, I might say, "We have to go now, but you can choose whether we go down the slide or swing first." That bit of autonomy seems to help.

Oh, and stalling tactics are my not-so-secret weapon! When she senses a change in routine or something she doesn't like is coming - like bathing or turning off the TV - I've found that slowing down and extending our goodbyes helps. If we're at the park, I'll give her plenty of warning about leaving and then leisurely walk towards the exit, pointing out interesting things along the way. This somehow makes the transition easier!

It's definitely a bumpy ride and I'm sure other parents have better tricks up their sleeves! But these little strategies help me keep my cool and keep life sane with a very spirited two-year-old.

Well said! I totally agree that distraction is a superpower when dealing with toddlers. Keeping those little energy balls engaged can be a challenge!

I've also found that giving them choices helps to ease those melt-downs. Like your trick of letting them choose how to leave the playground - genius! It gives them a sense of control and makes them feel empowered, which totally helps.

Staying calm is sometimes hard AF, but it's a great reminder that this stage will pass ! So taking a deep breath, acknowledging their feelings, and keeping our cool on the outside at least, is a great strategy!

 

[Le Mon]

When it comes to dealing with toddler tantrums, I've found distraction to be a pretty effective tactic. When I see the signs of a potential meltdown, I quickly swoop in with an exciting alternative activity or a change of scene. Sometimes, just taking them outdoors to the park or for a quick walk can help shift their focus and calm them down.

Boundaries testing is a whole other ballgame. I make sure to set clear and consistent rules, and when my little one pushes back, I explain why we have the rule and enforce consequences. It's exhausting though, gotta admit!

For big meltdowns, I find giving them space and time to calm down works best. I'll pause any interaction and attention until they're ready to talk things through. Of course, it's tricky cause you never really know what's triggering their emotions, but I've found that acknowledging their feelings and offering a big hug can help process those big emotions too.

As for staying consistent, I keep in mind that discipline is about teaching good manners and self-control, not about punishment. So, I try to stay calm and remember that each moment is a teaching opportunity. It's tough, but consistency helps them understand what's acceptable and what's not. Having a network of parent friends has also been a godsend cause I can learn from their strategies!

 

[queenie]

I'm no expert but my strategy is to stay calm and distract! Tantrums phase will pass eventually but it's so testing when it's happening right in front of you, especially in public. I usually just keep speaking gently and redirect attention to something else, like let's go look at the birds or hey there's a friend over there wave hello! If he's having a full-blown meltdown I just hold him tight till he calms down while whispering reassuringly that it's gonna be okay - mostly for myself too haha.

I think consistency comes with practice and finding what works best for your tot. It's so trying when you're exhausted and the last thing you need is a mini-me throwing a wobbler but we gotta keep our cool! It's easier said than done but I find going into battle isn't the way - keeping things light, moving on quickly and not giving too much attention to naughty behaviour works wonders sometimes. Good luck!

 

[lioness]

I'm no expert but my strategy is to stay calm and distract! Tantrums phase will pass eventually but it's so testing when it's happening right in front of you, especially in public. I usually just keep speaking gently and redirect attention to something else, like let's go look at the birds or hey there's a friend over there wave hello! If he's having a full-blown meltdown I just hold him tight till he calms down while whispering reassuringly that it's gonna be okay - mostly for myself too haha.

I think consistency comes with practice and finding what works best for your tot. It's so trying when you're exhausted and the last thing you need is a mini-me throwing a wobbler but we gotta keep our cool! It's easier said than done but I find going into battle isn't the way - keeping things light, moving on quickly and not giving too much attention to naughty behaviour works wonders sometimes. Good luck!

I'm glad someone else shares the same strategy! I think it's so tricky because every kid is different and what works for one might not work for another. Staying calm really helps, but it can be so challenging when you're exhausted or in a tricky situation!

I find that having multiple tactics helps - sometimes a full-blown distraction is needed, like pulling out the phone to show them a funny video . Having a few different tricks up your sleeve means you can mix things up too, so tantrums don't get de-sensitized. Also, having a sense of humour helps - once the dust settles, I'll often joke about how everyone has crazy moments and that seems to lightens the mood.

 

[sunflower]

I'm no expert but my strategy is to keep calm and not make a big fuss when he throws a tantrum. I just acknowledge his feelings and tell him it's okay to be upset sometimes. I also find that giving him some options helps, like between two acceptable choices, so he feels he has some control over the situation. And lots of distractions! Like you, I'd love to hear other parents' strategies too - it's good to learn from each other!

 

[bubblyfish]

I'm no expert but my strategy is to keep calm and not make a big fuss when he throws a tantrum. I just acknowledge his feelings and tell him it's okay to be upset sometimes. I also find that giving him some options helps, like between two acceptable choices, so he feels he has some control over the situation. And lots of distractions! Like you, I'd love to hear other parents' strategies too - it's good to learn from each other!

I'm usually all about distraction! Works like a charm most of the time. When that fails, I just keep calm, let 'em vent and give options too - like a choice between going to the park or reading a book. That usually calms things down and helps me buy some time to figure out what's bugging them.

 

[sunflower]

Oh ya, toddlers - gotta love their strong-willed selves! It can be tough when they throw tantrums cos we just want to keep everyone happy, including ourselves!

I find that taking a deep breath and keeping my calm really helps. I also make sure to tell him it's okay to feel mad or sad and that I'm here for him. Then I distract him with something else, like a quick game or suggesting we go outdoors. Sometimes, I give him a big hug first before redirecting his attention, as long as he's open to it. It's hard when they're so little and you just wanna teach them discipline but also don't wanna be too harsh!

I think also, being consistent with consequences helps. Like if he hits because he's mad, I'll firmly tell him we don't hit and then remove him from the situation or take away the object he wants . I try to explain simply and clearly why hitting isn't okay and what we should do instead - it's a lot of repetition tbh!

And when all else fails, I call my mom or ask hubby for help. It's good to have another pair of eyes to assess the situation and sometimes, their ideas work better than mine! Or it just helps to know that someone else has gone through the same thing and survived haha.

 

[travelmum]

Not gonna lie, the boundary-testing phase can be a real doozy! But we've got some strategies up our sleeves that might help.

One thing that's worked well for redirecting naughty behaviour is distraction. When we see those toddler eyes go all sly and schemey, we quickly shift their attention elsewhere. Could be an exciting activity or just plain ol' changing the subject. Sometimes, getting them involved in what we're doing also helps.

When it comes to boundary-pushing and melt downs, keeping calm is key. We stay firm and consistent with our rules, but also try to acknowledge their feelings. Like, "I know you're upset the park is closed, it's frustrating right? But we have to follow rules". Validating their emotions seems to help them feel heard, and also lets them understand our perspective too.

For discipline, we've found that explaining the whys behind every rule seems effective. Toddler starts to understand why they shouldn't do something dangerous or naughty, and it helps them make better decisions down the road. Time outs work for us too - especially if we explain the reason behind the time out and keep the routine consistent.

Staying consistent definitely is a challenge though! We parents gotta support each other here. Sometimes ya just gotta step away, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that this too shall pass. And then come back to dish out those hugs and redirect yet again.

 

[sportytina]

When it comes to redirecting, I find that diverting their attention to another activity they like works pretty well. Like if they're whining about something, I'll just casually mention something interesting happening elsewhere in the house/park/wherever we are and kinda lure them over there. Works like a charm most of the time!

For boundary pushing, I try not to react too strongly because that might escalate things. I acknowledge the behavior, stay firm and explain why it's not cool, then redirect again. Sometimes I act goofy too, which helps lighten the mood and distracts them from their tantrum.

As for staying consistent, I keep a strict no-yelling rule cuz I don't wanna scare them. Also, knowing that my kid will eventually grow out of this stage helps me stay calm internally haha. I do sometimes need to step away when things get too intense though - gotta protect the peace! Consistency is hard but keeping rules and consequences clear and simple helps.

 

[nature]

I think one of the most helpful ways is to stay calm and not raise your voice even when they're having a meltdown. Toddler stage can be a challenging phase cos they're learning to assert their independence but don't have the skills or experience to manage their emotions well yet.

It's helpful to acknowledge their feelings, e.g., "I know it's frustrating when you can't get what you want," and then set clear limits / boundaries and offer alternatives. Like if they want something not suitable for them, explain why they can't have it in simple terms and offer a similar choice instead. Give lots of praise and attention when they respond well to redirects, so they feel encouraged to repeat those good behaviours.

When my kid pushes boundaries, I usually distract and redirect. If she throws a tantrum, I stay firm but calm, tell her it's okay to feel angry but we don't hit/kick etc., and then I redirect her attention to something else. Timeouts help sometimes too, just a minute or so in a quiet space, then talk about what happened after.

Consistency is hard but helps a lot! I find having a simple routine and clear rules help me stay consistent, and my kid knows what's expected of her. Also, keeping my cool is easier when I remember this phase is temporary and part of their growing up. It's normal for them to test boundaries; it means they're learning! So I just try not to take it personally haha.

Share your tactics too! Would love to hear other ways to navigate this fun stage

 

[travelmum]

When it comes to naughty behaviour, distraction works wonders for us too! We keep a stash of go-to distractions at the ready - from exciting activities to whacky jokes. You'd be surprised how a simple change of subject can divert their attention from mischief.

As for melt downs, we strive to remain cool cucumbers while the toddlers lose their cool. We stick to our guns on rules, but also make sure to empathize with their feelings. Explaining the reasons behind the rules goes a long way, helping them understand the logic and making them appreciate why certain behaviours are a no-no.

Keeping up the same routine for discipline is important to us too. Time outs and taking away privileges actually works quite well, especially when they understand that breaking the rules has direct consequences. And when it comes to staying consistent, it's okay to take a breather and compose ourselves. We parents gotta keep our zen!

 

[happyfeet]

I tot it's quite normal? Mine just turned 2 as well and omg the tantrums are real! Can't say I've mastered keeping my cool all the time - some days I just have to walk away cos I know if I engage, it'll make things worse. But on a good day, deep breath, stay calm, and just acknowledge their feelings and redirect seem to work. Like "I know you're upset/mad/sad/frustrated... We don't hit/kick/throw things.... Let's go do some X instead." Then quickly engage with something else. Also find that giving choices helps - eg "do you want milk or water? This cup or that one?" Helps to channel the newfound assertiveness in a more peaceful direction.

 

[sunnybunny]

I tot it's quite normal? Mine just turned 2 as well and omg the tantrums are real! Can't say I've mastered keeping my cool all the time - some days I just have to walk away cos I know if I engage, it'll make things worse. But on a good day, deep breath, stay calm, and just acknowledge their feelings and redirect seem to work. Like "I know you're upset/mad/sad/frustrated... We don't hit/kick/throw things.... Let's go do some X instead." Then quickly engage with something else. Also find that giving choices helps - eg "do you want milk or water? This cup or that one?" Helps to channel the newfound assertiveness in a more peaceful direction.

Tantrums are like a rite of passage for toddlers . Agree that keeping calm is half the battle won - hard though it may be!

offering choices is a great idea - toddlers are assertively finding their independence so giving them some control helps channel their decision-making in a manageable way.

I've also found that explaining the why's and how's behind certain rules help my little one understand the cause and effect of their actions, and that helps to an extent. When all else fails and the drama is too much, I just have to remove myself from the situation - sometimes physical distance helps me keep my cool!

 

[happyfeet]

Tantrums are like a rite of passage for toddlers . Agree that keeping calm is half the battle won - hard though it may be!

offering choices is a great idea - toddlers are assertively finding their independence so giving them some control helps channel their decision-making in a manageable way.

I've also found that explaining the why's and how's behind certain rules help my little one understand the cause and effect of their actions, and that helps to an extent. When all else fails and the drama is too much, I just have to remove myself from the situation - sometimes physical distance helps me keep my cool!

Yeah, I try to explain the rules too but often have to revert to distractions cos his attention span isn't v long. And yes, distraction works best when I'm out in public and he's throwing a fit over something - engage with something/someone else, or simply redirect and move somewhere else. Hard when we're somewhere where we can't just walk away tho! Got to keep a few tricks up your sleeve ha.