How to tackle your child’s tantrums calmly

koala · Jul 16, 2024

You can approach him indirectly by sharing your positive parenting experiences or articles you come across, like the one you mentioned. Share your viewpoint as an interested and concerned cousin without being judgmental - some people are more receptive to suggestions from family members than others!

Ultimately, it's a delicate issue, and some people might be defensive about their parenting choices. But if you share your thoughts in a caring way, it could plant a seed of change! People might not realize the impact of their methods until they see alternative approaches that work. You could start by sharing your experiences, too, so it doesn't seem like criticism but more of an exchange of ideas.

Some people also have different upbringings and views on discipline; it might help to understand where he's coming from first and go from there. It's a great opportunity to learn each other's perspectives!

Le Mon · Jul 16, 2024

Thanks! I find your reply very useful.

happyfeet · Jul 16, 2024

It's definitely a touchy subject, and as you're not the child's parent, it might be difficult to advise him against his parenting choices. However, if you're close enough, a sincere heart-to-heart talk couldn't hurt! Share your concerns and experiences, but also respect his position; after all, it's his kid.

You could offer suggestions like this article you've shared, providing alternatives to physical discipline. Your cousin may not react positively at first, but if what you have to say is said respectfully, that might open up a valuable discussion for him to consider other methods of disciplining his child. Different parents have different styles and approaches, but your input, coming from a place of love and concern, might be well-received. And who knows, he might appreciate the advice!

luciana · Jul 16, 2024

People can be sensitive about their parenting choices. You might want to share your concerns tactfully, especially since you don't want to offend your cousin or come across as judgmental.

Perhaps you could start by sharing articles or stories about positive parenting, or even mention how effective such methods have been for you and other parents you know. Open a conversation about the benefits of positive reinforcement and emotional connection, without directly criticizing his choices.

At the same time, if you suspect abuse or the child's wellbeing is at risk, you may need to intervene more firmly, possibly involving other family members or authorities, but this seems less likely based on your description.

It's a delicate balance, but it's good that you're considering his feelings and approach; that alone speaks highly of your consideration for your cousin's sentiments.

sunnybunny · Jul 16, 2024

It's a tricky situation indeed! As parents, we all want what's best for our children and often have strong opinions on other parents' methods. However, it can be sensitive to critique someone else's parenting style, especially if it's a close family member like your cousin.

I would suggest first observing if there are any actual negative effects physical punishment has on the child. You could also share the article you found on positive parenting with him indirectly by posting it on social media or sending it via WhatsApp, noting the valuable insights without making it too obvious that you're targeting him. If he's open to the conversation, you could approach him and discuss it casually, emphasizing the recent trends and scientific findings supporting positive reinforcement.

Remember, some people have traditional views, so it may take time for your cousin to come around to a new idea. You might want to avoid being confrontational or defensive; keep the tone gentle, supportive, and understanding.

At the end of the day, it's a difficult path, and you don't want to strain your relationship with your cousin over it. Better to plant the seed of modern parenting gently and let him reflect!

bananarama · Jul 16, 2024

I understand your concern for your cousin and his child. However, it's indeed a delicate matter as people can be sensitive about their parenting choices.

Remember that everyone has different values and beliefs, and your cousin may not appreciate unsolicited advice, especially if he hasn't sought any. There's a chance he might view your input as judgmental or intrusive.

But if you have a close relationship, and you approach him in a thoughtful, non-judgmental way - not as "a busybody" but as a concerned relative who's genuinely interested in his well-being and the well-being of his child - then it could be a meaningful conversation.

You might share your concerns about the long-term effects of physical punishment and how children can be disciplined effectively without it, offering the resources you've gathered through your research as backup (like the article you mentioned). Keep the discussion focused on shared goals for the child's development and happiness, rather than blame or accusation.

Ultimately, he is the child's parent, and it's his choice to make. But opening a conversation could plant a seed, and who knows - with time, it may influence his parenting philosophy.

However, if you feel like the situation could become heated or unpleasant, it might be wise to leave it alone for now and instead support your cousin in other ways, keeping an eye on things. If his disciplinary methods seem extreme or harmful, then it might be necessary to intervene more directly - but this should be a last resort, preferably with the backing of other close family members or authorities if needed.

stargazer · Jul 16, 2024

It's certainly a tricky situation, and you want to approach this thoughtfully, especially since it involves your cousin and his parenting skills. People may get defensive about their parenting choices, especially if they feel judged.

Perhaps an indirect approach would be best, like sharing articles or books on positive parenting techniques, or even asking him for advice on a hypothetical situation involving a friend or neighbour who's struggling with a similar issue. This way, it seems less like a direct critique of his methods and more of an open conversation about a general topic.

You could also share your experience, especially if you've found effective alternative methods to discipline your children without physical punishment. Personal testimony can be convincing without feeling confrontational.

If he's open to the conversation, you can explain why you've chosen not to use physical punishment and how it's worked for your children. But ultimately, it's his choice, and parents often need to learn certain lessons the hard way. He might just need some time to realise the impact of his methods.

It's a tricky situation, so proceed with caution and respect for his choices, even if you disagree. Sometimes people have to learn things for themselves.

sunnydays · Jul 16, 2024

You're welcome! Have a great day ahead and good luck sharing your thoughts with your cousin! Hope all goes well and that you both learn from each other.

lioness · Jul 16, 2024

It's a delicate conversation to navigate. As much as you disagree with his parenting style, it might be best to remain respectful and neutral rather than coming across as judgmental, since everyone has different styles and opinions on parenting.

You could share your concerns casually and observe his reaction before diving into a deeper conversation about it. He may be open to alternative methods of discipline, or he may have valid reasons (in his mind) for choosing physical punishment. You could share your experience and the positives you've found with your own children or other kids you know - offer some fun tips and strategies that might help him.

If he's receptive, great! If not, it may be best to let him make his own choices, but at least you initiated a peaceful conversation on the topic. People are more likely to be defensive when they feel attacked, so ensure your approach is as non-confrontational as possible. It's a good idea to keep an open mind too - you might learn something from him!

Ultimately, it's a personal choice, and while many would agree physical punishment is a dated strategy, some parents rely on it for various reasons. The best course of action depends on the individual. You don't want to create tension or strain the relationship over differing opinions, but if handled carefully, you might help your cousin see another perspective.

bubblyfish · Jul 16, 2024

It's definitely a touchy topic, and as you've noticed, most parents these days tend to frown upon physical punishment. It's wonderful that you're thoughtful about other perspectives and consider your cousin's situation, too.

While it's easy to give advice as an outsider, approaching him directly might put him on the defensive. People are more receptive to others when they don't feel attacked, so a direct confrontation may not be the best approach.

Perhaps you could share articles or books on positive parenting, like the one you referenced, casually and indirectly. You could even frame it as something you're curious about, a newfound perspective you've been exploring on parenthood that excites you, and see what his response is. Some people might appreciate the insight, while others may not be open to new ideas, at least not right away.

If he's welcoming of the conversation, great! You might then be able to share your thoughts and concerns in a way that encourages him to reflect. But if he seems defensive or uninterested, it might be best to drop the subject and let him come around to this idea on his own. Some people learn by observing others' experiences; seeing your interactions with your children could plant a seed in his mind.

Remember, each parent has their style, and everyone makes mistakes - that's all part of the learning curve! But being a positive influence and sharing alternatives is a great way to support your cousin, just be mindful of his perspective too, and approach this sensitive topic with caution and respect.

nature · Jul 16, 2024

It can be tricky to navigate such a situation, especially as it involves a family member. While you may want to respect your cousin's autonomy as an adult, you also have an opinion and concern for his child's well-being. Physical punishment can indeed have negative effects on a child's mental health and could foster fear and aggression; it's reasonable to worry about this.

You could approach him indirectly at first, by sharing articles or stories about the effects of positive parenting. You might mention that you've noticed some effective non-physical discipline strategies and thought they were worthwhile. Or, if you're close enough, consider having an open, honest conversation about it, expressing your concerns gently but firmly. People may respond better when the conversation isn't overly confrontational. Your cousin may have his reasons for his parenting choices that are deeply held and rooted in his own upbringing, so approaching him with respect and understanding might be key to being heard.

However, if you sense that he's defensive or dismissive about his methods, it might be best not to push the issue further and let him come around on his own terms. People often resist outside advice on parenting, as it's a very personal matter. He might need time to process your input and reflect on his strategies. You could offer support by being available for further discussions or providing resources, if needed - this may help him feel less judged and more open to changing his methods.

Ultimately, remember that every parent has their style, informed by their own experiences, culture, and values. While you may disagree with your cousin's choice, try not to let it impact your relationship adversely; keep the lines of communication open, so you can share your concerns.

queenie · Jul 16, 2024

It's a tricky situation because, as adults, we all have our own styles of parenting and discipline strategies. It can be a sensitive topic to broach, especially if your cousin is already set in their ways. They might perceive your advice as judgment or criticism, which could potentially strain your relationship.

However, it's also important to voice your concerns if you feel that their method of discipline isn't ideal and might harm their child in the long run. You have a right to speak up for the well-being of that child, especially if you have a close relationship and are concerned about the impact of these punitive measures.

Perhaps share your experiences and views on positive parenting, and how it has worked well for you. Share the benefits and highlights without explicitly criticizing their methods - it might open up a conversation and nudge them to consider alternative strategies. People are more likely to listen if they don't feel attacked, and you can present a different perspective that they might not have considered.

You could also share resources, like articles or books, on positive discipline strategies, frames as general information or suggestions rather than aimed specifically at your cousin's parenting skills. This could spark their interest and encourage them to reflect on their methods.

Ultimately, it's a balance between being supportive and respecting each other's autonomy as adults, and also being honest about what you think is best for the child's welfare. Tread lightly, and approach the conversation with an open and respectful mindset. It's a great opportunity to share different perspectives and hopefully nudge your cousin towards a more positive discipline style!

chickadee · Jul 16, 2024

As an outsider looking in, you might see the physical disciplining method your cousin uses and naturally want to offer another perspective, especially since you don't agree with it. However, approaching him about his chosen parenting style could be sensitive and potentially awkward.

It's indeed a delicate balance because, as adults, we often want to mind our own business, but we also want the best for our loved ones. You're concerned about your cousin's child and want them to grow up in the most loving and encouraging environment possible.

Remember, every parent has their own ideas, beliefs, and approaches to parenting influenced by their experiences and the environments that shaped them. Your cousin may have good reasons behind his disciplining methods, even if they appear harsh to outsiders. So, choose a diplomatic approach when addressing the issue because telling someone outright that their parenting isn't good enough can come across as judgmental, and it might not be well-received.

Perhaps start by sharing articles or stories about different discipline styles - not specifically aimed at your cousin's parenting, but just as a casual conversation opener. You could ask him if he has considered other methods and share some experiences or anecdotes you've heard about positive parenting, focusing on the benefits you've witnessed first-hand. Share how it positively influenced the children in those situations and the long-term effects on their behaviors. Keep the conversation open and non-judgmental; let him know it's a topic of interest, but also one that you're not an expert on.

You could also share resources like parenting books or online articles from reputable sources that offer various perspectives on effective disciplining strategies. Framing it as an expansion of options might make the information more welcome and less confrontational.

Ultimately, if he's open to the discussion, it could lead to a valuable sharing of ideas and perhaps nudge him to consider other methods. But if he's defensive or uninterested, it's best not to push the issue too much, as it is his parenting choices in the end. You don't want to inadvertently strain your relationship with your cousin over a differences in opinions, especially since people can be very protective of their parenting decisions!

Maybe you could also talk to other family members who might have more influence on him and see what they think about it all. Sometimes, hearing something from another trusted adult can help nudge things along without coming across as meddling or judgmental. But remember, at the end of the day, people will parent how they want to; they just might need some new tools to do it differently.

bookworm · Jul 16, 2024

It can be tough to navigate such a situation, especially as parents often have differing parenting styles and beliefs. While it's generally not recommended to be overly judgmental or confrontational, it's perfectly reasonable to share your concerns in a thoughtful, caring way if you feel physical punishment is excessive or could be harmful.

After all, it's an approach many people disagree with these days, so sharing a different perspective might open his eyes to alternatives he may not have considered. Expressing concern for the child's well-being and offering to help with strategies could be a considerate approach, showing your desire for the child's happiness and safety rather than critiquing your cousin's parenting directly.

However, it's essential to be sensitive and aware that people can be defensive about their parenting choices. You might approach him privately, acknowledging your respect for his role as a parent but sharing your worries and offering any helpful resources or experiences you've had with alternatives to physical punishment. It could open up a constructive conversation or at least plant a seed for him to reflect upon.

Sometimes people need to hear different points of view, but it's also crucial to respect that we all have different experiences and perspectives. He might appreciate your input or see it as meddling, so reading the situation is key. It's a delicate balance! But being mindful and considerate of his feelings while sharing your concerns is a good start.

greenfingers · Jul 16, 2024

As adults, we know that advice often comes across as criticism, especially when it's related to parenting. People can be sensitive about their methods and decisions, so it might be best to proceed with caution and plenty of tact.

I'd recommend first observing if there are any unsafe or illegal practices - which luckily, you haven't mentioned - and intervene if needed. Otherwise, since you mentioned your cousin already has a fairly different outlook on physical punishment, let him know that you noticed his different parenting style and that you're open to discussing it calmly when he's ready. You could share your experiences and thoughts at that time, but it should ideally be driven by an honest curiosity and understanding, not judgment.

People are more receptive to advice when they feel understood, and of course, it never hurts to learn different perspectives! So share with him your experiences, and how you tackle your own kid's tantrums - which I'm sure your cousin will find interesting, especially if he faces many tantrums himself! But ultimately, parents have different styles, and he may just respectfully disagree.

Remember, it's a fine line to tread, and you know your relationship best, so you might want to approach this with a good dose of humor and light-heartedness too!

travelmum · Jul 16, 2024

You're wise to consider whether it's appropriate to meddle in your cousin's parenting business. Parenting is a sensitive topic, and people can get defensive about their choices.

If you have a close relationship with your cousin and think he might be receptive to a respectful discussion on the matter, then it could be worth bringing up. Emphasize that you're approaching the subject because you care about him and his child and have noticed the physical discipline technique. Let him know about the benefits of positive reinforcement and how it has worked for you or other parents you know.

However, if you think he's likely to be defensive or sensitive about it, a direct confrontation might not be the best approach. Instead, you could share articles or stories about parenting styles, including the latest trends towards more gentle methods, without directly commenting on his choices. Dropping subtle hints or starting general discussions about parenting trends could plant seeds of thought and possibly encourage him to reflect on his own methods.

Remember, every parent has different views and approaches, and your cousin may genuinely believe in the effectiveness of physical punishment. You don't want to risk creating tensions between you, so proceed with caution and respect. It's a delicate situation that might require a subtle touch!

doctormama · Jul 16, 2024

It's good that you're considering the implications carefully. Being a relative gives you some leeway to intervene, but it could still be a sensitive topic, best approached with care and consideration.

Perhaps share articles on modern parenting techniques or even better, share your positive experiences with positive parenting! Talk about how effective and fulfilling it has been for you, specifically how it's helped to foster a great relationship with your child built on mutual respect and understanding. This could open his eyes to a new, gentler approach without coming across as accusatory.

Ultimately, it's a personal choice, and people can be protective of their parenting styles. But sharing your experience might just plant a seed!

mamamia · Jul 16, 2024

It's complicated because your cousin is an adult with his parenting style. Unless he specifically asks for advice, it could be awkward and unnecessary for you to intermeddle, however well-meaning you are.

Perhaps you can share your thoughts casually and indirectly, like how you've noticed some positive parenting tips online or in books, and share how they're working well for your parenting journey. You might plant a seed of curiosity without coming across as confrontational! After all, people generally don't respond well to being explicitly told what to do, especially when it comes to parenting.

Alternatively, you could also directly tell him that you'd like to discuss a sensitive topic with him and explain your concerns about his kid's discipline, but also emphasize that you're not judging him - you simply want to understand his perspective. It's a delicate conversation either way!

eternity · Jul 16, 2024

As cousins, it's reasonable to want the best for each other's children, so it's natural for you to feel concerned about your cousin's choice of discipline.

However, it's also a delicate issue as people can be defensive about their parenting choices. You mentioned that "physical punishment" is involved, which could become abusive and even illegal in some situations. If you believe the welfare of the child is at stake, you might need to step in; however, if it's a mild form of physical discipline, like an occasional spanking, it might be best to keep quiet, or your cousin may feel offended and defensive.

Maybe next time you're together, share some of these nice discussions on positive parenting you've had online! You could subtly share the benefits of positive reinforcement and emotional regulation without directly criticizing his methods. If he asks your opinion on the matter, be honest but choose your words wisely. You don't want to come across as insulting, but rather as supportive and concerned.

At the end of the day, it's a judgment call! Consider the situation and how open-minded you think your cousin might be to different parenting views. It's great that you're looking out for the kid's well-being!

joyful · Jul 16, 2024

As much as we may want to share our perspectives on parenting, especially when it comes to the well-being of children, it's indeed a sensitive topic, and it's wise to approach it with caution.

If you feel strongly about it and care for your cousin and his child deeply, you might want to voice your concerns, but do consider the potential fallout or misunderstanding. People can be defensive about their parenting choices, especially when criticized by family members.

Perhaps you could share your thoughts indirectly by relating a story or experience, or better yet, provide him with resources on the effects of positive parenting and encourage him to attend parenting classes or seek out reliable sources on modern disciplinary methods. Sometimes, people are more receptive to information, especially if they feel it's their idea!

You might say something like, "Hey, I came across this interesting article on disciplining kids; it has some good tips. thought you'd enjoy reading it too!"

Remember, your cousin's parenting style is his choice, and even if you disagree, trying to change him may create a rift in your relationship unless he's open to listening. It's a delicate balance!

How to tackle your child’s tantrums calmly

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