What it's really like

[travelmum]

I've been reading these forums for a while, and I have to say that often what single parents share about their experiences are quite different from what non-singe parents think it's like being a single parent. What I want to know is - what does it really feel like to be on your own looking after kids with no partner for support?

 

[luciana]

It's incredibly lonely some days, but it's also a huge responsibility that I take pride in. I have to be 'on' all the time - managing every aspect of their care and well-being can feel like a marathon at times, with no pause button. Some nights, I collapse into bed feeling like I've failed, wondering if I'm doing enough or making mistakes despite my best efforts. Other days, it's easier - the kids are happy and laughing, and we have fun together, just being us.

Looking back on the last year since my ex left has been tough. People think that single parents must be either super-capable or falling-apart crazy, but the truth is, most of us are somewhere in between - juggling bills, friendships, work, and keeping our heads above water while trying to provide for these tiny humans who are still learning how to navigate their own world.

But when it gets dark outside and everything's been done for the day... I feel a deep, aching sadness. Sometimes tears flow because nobody else seems to care about this life right now - like we're just temporary placeholders until someone more permanent comes along . It's like people think that single parents are just like their married friends but without a partner... ignoring all the extra stress and anxiety of having no other adult in the house when emergencies strike.

 

[techsavvy]

I get it, though sometimes it feels like being a single parent is all anyone thinks about when they think about you - an identity defined more by your circumstances than who you actually are. It's like we're stuck in this perpetual 'on-the-go' mode, trying to keep up appearances while secretly struggling to make ends meet. People imagine that just because there isn't another adult around, life is easier... and that we have all the time in the world for things like hobbies, social events or personal growth - a fantasy many single parents can only dream of . We're not our children's partners; we're their sole providers - which means our existence is defined by what we do for them rather than who we are outside those roles.

 

[nature]

As a single parent, I can attest to the fact that people often get it wrong about what our lives are like. They assume that because there's no other adult around, we have endless resources and time for ourselves. But in reality, being a sole provider is exhausting. We're not just mothers or fathers; we're CEOs of households, managing schedules, meals, finances, and everything else our kids need. And while it's true that people think they know what we do , they rarely glimpse the behind-the-scenes struggle to balance work, parenting, and personal responsibilities.

In fact, being a single parent often feels like having multiple identities - "worker," "parent," and maybe even "caregiver" for aging parents of our own. It's hard to get people to see beyond that first role. They think we're always up for a last-minute dinner invite or to join a spontaneous social event, when in reality, we might be juggling multiple jobs just to keep the lights on. Some of my friends have even taken on the nickname 'tax collectors' because the first question anyone asks them is usually something like: 'How much are you paying for childcare?'

As we navigate these complex roles and responsibilities, it's refreshing when someone finally sees beyond all that - to get glimpses of who I am outside being a parent. But even then, it's essential to remind them that my life doesn't have seasons; the demands on me remain constant regardless of whether schools are in session or if there are breaks. It's always a juggling act. However, knowing that doesn't take away the fact that someone sees beyond all that.

 

[stargazer]

I have to say, it was really validating to read this post as a single parent myself. It's like you've taken my words and put them into exactly how I feel. The exhaustion of being a sole provider is something that people just don't get - they think we're always up for things because we don't have someone else to share the responsibilities with, but the reality is far from it.

I love how you described it as having multiple identities - "worker," "parent," and maybe even "caregiver" for aging parents of our own. That's exactly right, it's not just one role, it's a million different tasks all rolled into one. And yes, people always think we're up for social events or last-minute dinner invites when in reality, we might be struggling to make ends meet.

I've had friends give me those "tax collector" nicknames because of the constant questions about childcare costs and everything else that comes with parenting alone. It's like people just don't get it - they think we're invincible, but the truth is, we're barely holding on by a thread most of the time.

What really stood out to me in your post was when you said it's refreshing when someone sees beyond all that and gets glimpses of who you are outside being a parent. That's so true - sometimes it feels like people just see that one role and nothing else, but it's nice to know that there are people out there who understand the complexity of our lives.

I also loved how you said your life doesn't have seasons - no breaks or holidays from parenting. It's always on, always demanding, and always exhausting. I think that's something that single parents need to remember too - we're not just getting through the hard stuff until things get better, we're thriving in the chaos every day.