Unsure about something? Ask the mums

[eternity]

Spoiler: Thread summary

musical asked for advice on handling her two-year old's recent aggressive behaviour. She has tried redirecting him but with no luck, and is looking for strategies to deal with what seems to be a constant phase. Lioness and greenfingers suggested acknowledging the toddler’s emotions first then offering alternatives ways to express frustration, like shouting into a pillow or hitting a soft toy. This method helps children learn that it’s okay to feel big emotions but they need to express them in acceptable ways. Mamamia added that giving kids the words to vocalise their feelings and teaching them why they have them can help prevent meltdowns. She also suggested teaching deep breathing as a way to calm down, along with creating a dedicated ‘Calm Down Corner’ filled with soothing items like pillows and toys to encourage self-soothing and role play. This was met with agreement from other contributors who also praised these simple yet effective methods and shared additional ideas such as making an emotion jar and decorating calm down boxes to make them more inviting and engaging for children. Bookworm concluded that every child is different so it’s important to find what works best but these strategies can help prepare parents for tricky emotional situations.

This is the place to ask all those burning questions you have, and gain some insight from other mums who have likely been through something similar! If you're unsure about anything - big or small - don't hesitate to ask away. We're here to help!

 

[queenie]

So many of us wish we'd had this insight when our kids were tiny and we were overwhelmed with questions! What's your biggest worry as a parent right now? Diaper changing, sleeping patterns, feeding, behaviour - no question is too big or small. We're all in this together, and every problem solved is one less worry for a momma bear!

 

[musical]

My toddler has started hitting and it's become a daily occurrence which is really getting to me. He's almost two and also has started throwing things when he's upset/doesn't get his way. I've tried redirecting his behaviour, explaining why we don't hit/throw, but he seems to do it more out of frustration than anything else - it's almost become a knee-jerk reaction.

I'm at a loss as to how to deal with this - is it just a phase? Should I be stricter/more punitive, or focus on redirecting and teaching him alternative ways to express his big feelings? Any tips would be great as this 'stage' seems to show no sign of stopping!

 

[lioness]

It's completely normal for toddlers this age to start testing boundaries and showing frustration physically - it's a real developmental stage they go through, so rest assured you're not alone!

I've found some success with acknowledging the feeling behind the action which helps my little one feel understood, and then redirecting. So, rather than focusing on the hitting/throwing, I say something like, "You're feeling really cross/frustrated because X. It's okay to feel that way. But we don't hit/throw." Then I offer an alternative: "Can you show me how cross you are by ____ instead?" fill in the blank with a suitable suggestion - tearing up some tissue paper, stamping their foot, shouting into a pillow, etc.

It's certainly not an overnight fix, and consistency is key, but it's helped me teach my child that it's okay to feel big emotions, but there are better ways of showing them.

Keep at it, and good luck!

 

[musical]

That's a great strategy - acknowledging their feelings first is such a good way to help them learn to manage those big emotions. I'll definitely try that and offer alternatives too, thank you! It's so hard when you're tired and they're having a full-on meltdown, but your method is a really positive approach to it. Here's hoping for less hitting and more shouting into pillows!

 

[greenfingers]

It's a tricky situation and acknowledging emotions first doesn't always come naturally - especially when you're tired and frazzled too! But I've found it really helps to acknowledge those big feelings and then offer some alternatives for releasing the emotion - like shouting into a pillow or hitting a soft toy. Good luck, and hopefully those meltdowns will be fewer and further between with this new approach!

 

[mamamia]

That's such great advice! I find giving children ways to vocalise their emotions and showing them strategies to calm down really helps them regulate those big feelings.

I'll also add that helping them understand why they feel a certain way can help prevent the meltdowns from happening in the first place. It doesn't have to be an exhaustive conversation - just simple statements like, "You're so upset because you really wanted that toy and now it's broken" or "You're feeling frustrated because your tower of blocks keep falling down." Giving them those words might help them express themselves more easily in the future.

What other strategies do you ladies have for handling big emotions? I'm all ears as this is an area I want to work on too!

 

[bookworm]

Acknowledging their feelings and naming them is a great strategy! It helps kids understand and express themselves better.

Some other things that help my household are:

1. Deep breathing - teaching them to take slow, calm breaths when they're worked up really helps calm everyone down! We practice this daily so it becomes second nature when emotions run high.

2. 'Calm Down Corner' - This is a dedicated space with comfort items like soft toys, pillows, and blankets. It's a soothing, quiet area where kids can go to self-soothe and compose themselves. We talk about how it's a place to gather our thoughts and feelings when we're overwhelmed.

3. Mindful Time Out - Instead of the traditional time out, I focus on giving a 'mindful moment'. This is especially effective for my kiddo when they're in an 'I-can't-think-straight' kind of meltdown. A mindful moment is a brief timeout where I acknowledge their feelings and ask them to take some slow breaths with me. Then, we talk about the situation and come up with one thing they can do differently.

4. Role-play and Pretend - Encouraging kids to act out scenarios, especially ones that might have caused big emotions, helps them process those feelings. Use toys and dolls to reenact events and think of different ways to handle them.

Remember, every child is different, so finding what works best for them is key! But these strategies might give you some ideas to help manage those tricky emotional situations.

 

[wellness]

These are fantastic tips!

I especially like the 'Calm Down Corner' idea - providing a dedicated space with comfort items normalizes the concept of taking breaks and having some quiet time to self-soothe.

And I agree that role-playing and pretending, perhaps even with a creative twist like art or drama, can be therapeutic for kids and help them process their feelings.

It's great to have these strategies up our sleeves to manage those intense emotional moments! Do share any other gems you have for managing the meltdowns!

 

[sportytina]

Role playing with a creative edge is fun - dress ups, voices and characters can really capture their attention and imagination!

We also like to use an 'emotion jar' - basically a clear jar filled with water and lots of little feelings/emotions written on coloured paper, that the kids can shake up and then slowly watch settle. They pick one out when calmed down a bit and it's amazing how often it matches the feeling they are experiencing.

It sits alongside our 'Calm Down Box' which has some fun, quiet toys - like a mini tent with fairy lights, a calming lavender sensory play dough and some soothing/calming essential oils to smell. We also keep a journal and colourful pens in there for writing or drawing feelings out. The box itself is inviting and intriguing so it's become a bit of a safe haven for when big emotions hit! We talk about how sometimes we just need to retreat and gather our thoughts, which I love seeing the kids now doing naturally!

 

[bookworm]

That's so lovely! I adore the creativity. My lot would love something like the emotion jar - very cool and such a simple idea but effective too I'm sure.

The calm down box is a wonderful idea as well, especially with the journal - a great way to acknowledge and validate those feelings without having to do a deep dive every single time. Love that it's become a little sanctuary too!

 

[travelmum]

You're so right about the jars - sometimes the simplest ideas are the best and most effective! I love the thought of making them into a little sanctuary, what a lovely idea. It's great to have a way of helping kids express themselves without needing to talk straight away - especially as sometimes those feelings can be quite big and overwhelming for little ones.

 

[lioness]

That's very true - creating a sanctuary is an excellent way to encourage self-expression, especially when children are trying to process strong emotions. It's wonderful to see how something as simple as decorating a jar can become a powerful tool for kids to explore their feelings!

 

[sunflower]

That's a lovely perspective and a great addition to the conversation! We sometimes underestimate the value of simple activities like decorating and the impact they can have on children's emotional exploration. It's wonderful to see how these creative outlets become powerful tools for self-expression and emotion regulation, helping them process those strong feelings into something more tangible and manageable.

 

[sunnydays]

So true! We do underestimate these simple yet impactful activities sometimes. It's amazing to witness how kids express themselves so candidly through creativity, especially as it helps them develop emotional literacy and manage those strong feelings too. The decorative arts can become a real vehicle for their emotional journey.

 

[lioness]

Crafts and art can help kids explore their feelings and develop emotional literacy, which is so important for their development. I think it's a great way to engage and connect with them and support their journey. The image you included is lovely - thanks for sharing!

 

[wellness]

You're right about the benefits of crafts and art! Emotional literacy is crucial, and it's wonderful how these activities can help children express themselves when they might not have the vocabulary to articulate their feelings. Thank you for highlighting that - and for the kind words about the image!

 

[bookworm]

You're very welcome! Yes, it's incredible how crafts and art can help children develop emotional literacy - it's a wonderful form of expression, especially when they're too young to fully understand and articulate their feelings. Visual representation and creativity are such powerful tools! And you're right - it has so many other benefits too.

 

[eternity]

Art and craft's expressive outlet is a brilliant gateway to emotionally charging lessons on how feelings can be understood, processed, and conveyed. the learning opportunities are vast!

Children explore, create, and problem-solve without even realizing it — the foundations of critical and creative thinking are being laid out before they even enter formal schooling. And these early years' experiences influence their development significantly! It's fascinating to see how they visually represent their world and what messages they're subconsciously trying to convey through shape and colour choices.

The benefits, as you say, are enormous — sensory stimulation, patience and concentration development, motor skill acquisition, not to mention encouraging their creativity and imagination! With so many positive outcomes, it reinforces the importance of having arts and crafts integrated into our children's daily lives and curricula.

 

[sunnydays]

Absolutely!

It's wonderful to see the world through their art - especially as they often don't have the vocabulary to express their feelings, they can show us so much through their creativity.

The process is so therapeutic too - I remember many a time as a child getting totally absorbed in my artwork and feeling so content and relaxed afterwards .

It's also such a great way to teach them about the world - colours, textures, 3D shapes, patterns... the list is endless! And an excellent opportunity to introduce the notion that there is often more than one solution to a problem.