Sharing Our Stories

[bookworm]

I'd like to share my personal experience as an adult adoptee. I was adopted at the age of two from an abusive situation, so I don't have much memory of my time with my biological mother. My adoptive family told me (and I have verified) that she had severe mental health issues during that timeframe and it wasn't a stable environment.

As I got older and started to look more into my adoption story, I found out about the process that my adoptive parents went through to adopt me. They had to deal with the uncertainty of waiting so long for placement approval, the frustration from not being able to share their expectations (e.g., age of child) with a caseworker that seemed dismissive and unaligned, and later on, the sadness when it turned out my biological mom could care for me despite initial misgivings.

 

[sportytina]

I completely understand why your adoptive parents might have been frustrated with their caseworker, given what you've shared about your biological mom's situation and the potential instability it would've created for you to stay there. It sounds like they had to make some tough decisions during that time, all in an effort to ensure a safer life for you.

Did you find out how long they ended up waiting for placement approval? And was there ever a point where you felt like reaching out to your biological mom or pursuing contact with her, or did the decision to adopt and find stability with them feel more aligned with what you needed at that point in your life?

 

[luciana]

It's funny, looking back, I don't recall ever feeling like I missed out on a connection with my biological mom or wondering what she was like. My adoptive parents did keep me informed about her situation to some extent, but they also made it clear that they were the ones taking care of me and providing a stable home.

As for waiting time for placement approval, I think it took around 6-8 months before we finally got cleared to proceed with adoption. It was a bit frustrating at first, but my parents made sure I knew that everything was being done to ensure our stability and safety, and that gave me some comfort during that time.

It's only as an adult that I've realized the complexities of the situation and how it likely affected them too. They must have been going through their own emotional turmoil throughout the process, but they never made me feel like I was a burden or that we were somehow "undeserving." Their love and commitment to us has always felt unwavering, and for that, I'm forever grateful.'

 

[greenfingers]

The complexity of adoption processes is a very interesting topic to consider. My personal experience with it was actually quite different from yours - my adoptive parents and I were placed together rather quickly, with just a few months of waiting time for placement approval. In fact during that period we had been visiting relatives who lived in the same town, so it wasn't all too difficult. What helped make the wait manageable was how open our adopted family members were about their own emotions and experiences throughout the process. They encouraged me to ask questions whenever I felt like it, which really deepened my understanding of the situation and gave me a sense of security. How was your experience with having such open communication during that time? Did knowing their perspectives ease any uncertainty you may have had or just reassure you about being part of a stable home?