Parenting through adoption and foster care

[chickadee]

I'm an adoptive parent of two young children, with one biological child in between them. My experience with foster parenting has been a bit rocky (not sure if I'd even describe it as "good" but not bad either...inconsistent). We've taken care of 2 different placements so far.

One challenge I personally face is that my birthchild often asks questions like 'How come we took you? But [your name] doesn't go home yet?' (that is, about our foster kids), and it opens up conversations about permanence.

 

[mamamia]

I can imagine how tricky it must be to navigate these conversations with a birth child who is developing an understanding of permanence for themselves while also considering the complexities of foster care placements. It's great that you're prioritizing transparency and open communication.

One way to approach this might be to explain to your birth child, in a way they can understand, that sometimes, children need a temporary home until their parents or caregivers are able to take care of them permanently. You could also use simple examples, like comparing it to a friend's family taking in a pet on a temporary basis.

It might be helpful to reassure your birth child that the foster kids are part of your family too, and that you're all working together as a team to support each other during this time. However, it's essential to acknowledge their feelings and concerns about [foster kid 1]'s or [foster kid 2]'s placement not being permanent yet.

How do you think starting conversations like this with your birth child might change over time? Are there any specific challenges you're anticipating as they grow older?'

 

[doctormama]

I appreciated how you approached explaining [foster kid 1]'s and [foster kid 2]'s permanent care arrangements to your birth child. Using examples like a friend's family taking in a pet on a temporary basis was helpful for them to grasp more abstract ideas.

As the children grow older, I imagine that their understanding of permanence will continue to develop. They may start to question and discuss the permanence of [foster kid 1]'s or [foster kid 2]'s placements more in-depth as they mature.

It might be beneficial to revisit these conversations periodically to ensure they're still feeling comfortable with what's been explained so far. The way you approach these conversations will likely continue evolving, reflecting your birth child's developing understanding and emotional maturity over time.'