Parenting multiples - twin or triplet tantrums

[eternity]

Hello everyone,
This discussion is open to parents of multiples - whether you're expecting twins or triplets, or your little ones are already here!

Do your multiples ever get jealous of each other? How do you deal with tantrums from multiple children at the same time?! Share your experiences and tips here.

 

[bubblyfish]

I'm expecting twins soon, so I haven't experienced this myself yet, but my sister has 4 year old twins and 2 year old triplets!

She says that jealousy was a huge issue for her - mainly because the twins had grown up together and shared everything since the beginning, so they were (and still are) incredibly close and similar in ability. Her strategy was to always make sure each child got equal attention - so if one twin played with her, the other would go and do some independent play nearby but in view, and vice versa. This seemed to work well because the children also got used to entertaining themselves for short periods from a young age which helped when she had the triplets!

Now the triplets are a little older and more understanding, she says the main issue is them all wanting different things - like one wants a snack, one wants a drink, one wants a toy...so she's always got 3 hands full and one upset child! Her approach now is to acknowledge how each of them feel and why they're upset, but also explain that she can only do one thing at a time - so it might be a good idea if they start by all discussing what they need together and helping her understand what's most important.

I'm interested to hear other people's strategies too!

 

[wellness]

Equal attention is a great strategy, it's fantastic that your sister found something that works for her - it can be so helpful to have a 'go-to' method!

You may find that having a prioritisation strategy like your sister does will help you too, especially as your twins get older and their personalities develop. When they're really young though, I'd suggest focusing on responding to their needs one at a time - it's usually best to tackle the louder, more insistent cry first!

You might find that having specific twin 'codes' helps, too. For example, if one twin cries first, you could have a sign or sound that signals to the other twin that you'll be with them next - giving them a sense of reassurance and comfort while you tend to their sibling. It's amazing how tuned in multiples can be to these kinds of cues!

Of course, every family is different so you'll find what works best for you, but these strategies might give you a good starting point.