As a parent of grown twins, the most important insight I can offer is to emphasize how different "multiples" can be from each other in personality and interests and to remember to treat them as the individuals they are-- something parents are likely well aware of but may need reminding of when dealing with the challenges multiples present.
This was brought home to me during a difficult patch when one twin struggled with confidence; the other, while sympathetic, didn't share the same insecurities. My approach needed to change to suit their individual needs - one needed encouragement and reassurance, the other, space to figure things out on her own.
Also, as twins often have their peer partnership, I had to remember not to get too caught up in thinking their experience was universal or typical—especially when they were young and their bond was especially close—because their experiences were so often shared. Their twinship was an incredible gift but could also be a challenge when it came to encouraging them to branch out and form other friendships. Balancing the two was tricky!
And while identical twins have the added layer of physical similarity, which can lead to mistaken identity, I found celebrating their differences and encouraging their individual interests and talents was key to fostering their sense of selves—again, something that might be easy to overlook in the multiples dynamic.
I think what parents of multiples might find most frustrating is the assumption that because children are part of a multiple birth, they're necessarily "the same." I found it helpful to remember each child's uniqueness and to approach their upbringing with that sensitivity— two similar experiences on my part could result in very different outcomes for each child. It kept things interesting!
On the other side of the spectrum, I think only children or those with widely spaced siblings might comment on the unshared reference points multiples and their parents often share. As an only child myself, I can say that multiples' shared experience is something I found fascinating—and at times, a bit enviable!—as it's such a different dynamic than the sole focus often given to only children.
But with that envy came the understanding that multiples also miss out on certain experiences: namely, being the sole focus and learning independent problem-solving from an early age . While multiples have each other, there's also the potential for more conflict—another aspect I'd flag for parents so they can maybe facilitate some peaceful resolutions!
All in all, it's quite the adventure either way, but some perspective from the other side of the spectrum might help parents of multiples keep their unique challenges and joys in perspective.
