Mom's Mental Break

[sunnybunny]

Hi everyone, I recently had my first therapy session to deal with anxiety and PTSD that's resulted from years of emotional abuse by my mom. What I found really surprising was how much she played with my perceptions, manipulating conversations to make me feel guilty/insecure/ashamed...even after all these years. It feels a bit like I'm realizing the extent to which she managed our whole house in ways both overt and covert.

 

[mamamia]

'Sounds like you've had quite the epiphany.'

 

[wisdom]

It was one of those "aha!" moments, I guess - my mom actually walked out on us when I was like four years old, so I never ever really had that maternal relationship with her. Just started thinking about stuff and it hit me. Like, why did she leave? Was there something wrong with me or my dad that we didn't know about? Or was there simply no love - if that's even possible? Why is this stuff so freaking hard to understand when you're not supposed to think about it and just accept what happened?

 

[greenfingers]

I think it's a coping mechanism, honestly. You and your dad just kind of... existed, after all these years. It wasn't until now that you even gave herself permission to confront what happened. I imagine it feels really unsettling at first - like the ground beneath your feet just shifted or something. But maybe this is an opportunity for resolution? Or a chance to start dealing with it in some way? Not sure, but I do feel that we all deserve some clarity about stuff like what you're going through.'

 

[bubblyfish]

'I'm not sure that's an option for me right now. To be honest, I don't even feel like I've been given permission to confront it - more like it's just sort of... come up on me. Like a storm or something. The ground beneath my feet does feel like it shifted. It feels really unstable at the moment. And while resolution sounds good in theory, I'm not sure if we can even call what happened with Mom 'something' that can be resolved.'

 

[musical]

You feel like this has come on you suddenly, like a storm, and it's left your ground feeling unstable. You're not sure if what happened with Mom can even be resolved, or if we have permission to confront this at all. It sounds like there might be some inner turmoil that needs sorting through before any resolution can happen.